Lost - addiction

Lost - addiction


I am losing myself again, how could I be so careless of not taking attention to the situation that I am in? I played hard because I gave myself excuse that I already had done much before the exam and all this fun times is what I deserve. No, it isn’t, now when I think back, I think that is something just temporal and when I drunk myself too deep in it I lose control. I could not bear the consequences. I know it, whenever I get addicted on playing I lost the true self, lose my purpose, and lose my attention on anyone else. I did not lose my awareness but I lose my attention. I lose everything that makes me valuable, that charms people. I had to do something, I need to discipline down myself. I know that I shouldn’t force myself, but to reach that I have to change cognitively, I mean change the thoughts. Change the frame of mind and change the key words that meditated in me. I stop rehearsing my purpose in me that is why I starting to lose myself. Even if you aware that I hadn’t spoken about God ever since I am happy. I lost Him; I wandered away from Him again. I didn’t prayed, I didn’t visit little Thomas, and I don’t even care about the people around me anymore. Tomorrow it’s my mother’s birthday, I said I wanted to give her a surprise, but I stop planning that when I am addicted to computer games once more. What should I do?

I am sorry about everything that I did, even if it doesn’t affect my friends and family. I deeply hurt God, because I forgotten about Him. I also felt sorry to … Never mind, I think this time falling is a little bit tough for me and I have to stand up just like I did it before. Don’t worry my friends because I’ll get back up soon enough. I know what to do now really, it is hard to change our thoughts.

Like I said, addiction destroys relationship, because you weren’t there for the other person anymore. How valuable is your thoughts to another person? To be connected and builds up intimacy is simply through attention. That is the starting point. You might think how you think wouldn’t affect other person but it does actually. It reflect who you really are right now, but not necessary the true self.

Change must change from our thoughts first, but it was the hardest. I agree with Vri that change is bitter, and often move us out from our comfort zones, but this is what it takes to grow us up. What is a broken piece of a heart means to you? It hurts, but it is meaningful. This is the rule of the game. I wanted to grow. If I was not lost how shall I find the right path to move on? If I didn’t fall down how do I learn how to get back up? If I didn’t suffer pain, how could I endure it? If I didn’t fail how do I succeed? If I didn’t get what I wanted, how do I learn how to give? If I didn’t get loved, how do I love? Painful isn’t? Life is bittersweet because life is suffering that is why bible also includes a chapter named lamentation. Job is also an example for all this trials. Think of that. God didn’t say when He loves you, you will never suffer with Him, and instead He suffers with you.