Lesson of Vulnerable Emotion - Part 3

Lesson of Vulnerable Emotions – Part 3


Today could be my refreshment day, I know and I learn more about myself, I grow more stronger ever since this incident of vulnerable emotions. I hope she did too, I see this coming when I write the first part of my blog, she will be my victim. I was selfish and did not think about what her feeling is when I am frustrated and weak. She kept everything inside her heart so I couldn’t see whether she really do feel sad when I am sad. I am foolish, not until I realize my action has so much influence on her emotions. I cut her deep when I say: “let’s not be friends.” I did not realized that she was so sincere to help me yet that day I blame her for making me so emotional and lustful. I did not realize it not until I already lost it.

I am aware that every pain and suffering brings new lessons and wisdom to me, so this pain is very valuable and I appreciate it. This is because I had learn to become more like my real self that had been hidden from us, I know who am I, is just that I didn’t put an effort to be like me, this generates negative energy and I reflected it on to her. She not just simply mad at my personality, but she also mad about her self subsequently. I see that and I am aware of that. It is very normal that it happened, and it is very normal that we heal from our pains and learn from it. She hated me for not being confident enough, not active enough, and not firm in decision making, and childish. She don’t like to see a guy who likes her to be like that, he is not giving her the security and the qualities that would make each other happy, how would she accept him? If I were her, I wouldn’t give him a chance not until he learn to become a man who really can take up responsibility. She wanted to see the man who likes her to have love inside him, that he loves himself more so it will reflect the love to the others around. She would like to see a man stands in front of her, giving her comfort when the storm comes. Most of all she wanted to see the man in front of her doing things out of love, and for the sake of both happiness, this is because she will feels love when the man do things sincerely for her, committed, and realistic about raising a home in the future. No wonder she emphasize so much on studies, and don’t wanted that guy to think about her so often, because she don’t wanted that guy to fantasies himself in an unrealistic world of romance only. What she wanted is his heart of loving himself and giving service to everyone around, his friends, her friends, and including her.
I am sorry, and in the same time thank you for what has happened last Friday. I did hope you could recover soon and open your eyes and see the man changed, not because simply for you, but for himself too. When he is who he is, you will feel the difference. That is me. The real me that I wanted to show you. I know it has done already, it is just simply the matter of time, I truly wanted to say I gain maturity and self love after what is going on. For now we might not be friends, but I really hope to see we playing guitars together soon, maybe 3 weeks, 4 or maybe more… I will wait, even I have to wait until we had graduated. I’ll give you peace, and may the Lord’s peace be with you forever and ever. Do not let your heart to be troubled, when your heart is troubled is as much as you have died, but I wants you to live. God bless you.