Stories never told

Through life game, I learn a lot of thing and God really challenges me and making a lot of things real. His presence and His words are just like double edged sword that pierce through my inner-self. I was completely broken in front of Him, all the sins, all the weakness and imperfection. He has reveal the brokenness of our relationship, of how much love He has for me yet I left Him for other reasons. When I am in front of God, I am muted, because all I has is just fear. I finally realize everything should go accordance, I mean if I willing to let God's word to flow in me I have to live by His word, and in the process I know more about His word, but I just not strong enough to know more of His words.

I am emotional. I know. There is a reason God put this in me, why a man could cry for such a manner or was the sadness too great? I am confuse and disappointed every moment when I am sharing the Goodnews, sometime people turn away, sometime I was not available for some other reason when they find me, and some heard yet turn away, and the best part, I lost everything of myself. My living, my money, my fame, my power, I don't have the privilege to taste the taste of owning a house a car. Everything fades away just simply I don't find any time to fulfill all this. I am not good in making big money, too generous to give away my place for other people, so they have better chance than me. Was this foolishness or wisdom?

But what the bible say is true in Matthew 6:33, seek first the kingdom of God and all these shall be given to you. As I continue on, God really send in friends to help me on the living expenses, so to keep myself alive. Jesus once said to the disciples, :" If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross and follow me." These 12 do not work at all, live by faith which God will provide everything to keep them alive  to do what God wants them to. Next he says :" If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it, but if you give up your life for me, you will find true life." I've lost everything (including my life on this world) just to find a life and convincing everyone to leave everything behind just to find that life. I hope I did not lose faith as I practice this in the real world. Jesus continued, :" and how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? Is anything worth more than your soul?" Absolutely nothing, what is success? If a success did not last, would it be call success? What joy could I have to see all my love ones in paradise. Then Jesus said :" for I the son of Man, will come in the glory of the Father with His angels and will judge all people according to their deeds." In the end, I don't think life is anymore a life if I keep the good news for myself and fear to share it. I really don't want to hear any of my friend say to me that I never tell them this ealier. In the end, they loses their lives.

I want to live a new life... it starts from now...

the time is ticking... and the tank is leaking... don't lose your life before you accept Christ!

What is wrong with these Christians?

"You don't know what real fear is when God conceal Himself and let curse comes in to your life." These words recently came in to my thoughts when I busy myself in enjoying my holiday. I saw the way how my family lived, and how I lived. God call us to live by His way not our own ways - this is a problem for us the demanding people. Always seeking presents from God hoping God will change us and the world of how we think it will be. When we see a friend so close to us and a devoted Christian develop a 17cm tumor in her womb, what comes into our mind was to pray to God that He may heal her and take the pain and fear away instantly. It was good and right to pray for healing wasn't it? But do we demand God heals her or desire God's healing so that His name maybe glorified? I had been in a confusion of the statement: "If you don't pray and exercise your faith and love, the thing we pray will cease to happen." Then I came out a formula:

Nothing wrong with this formula, yes. However it has become a way we Christians making a process like loging a coin and press a button on the vending machine then we get what we bought. We going to church attending as much church activities we could and thinking we are able to change by God with doing such act. Some believing giving tithes faithfully will restore his examination results, some believing serving as ushers in the church welcoming people warmly will help her cure her sense of insecurity while keeping herself as a single. We all came to church having motives behind, to get heal rather than really genuinely seek God and worship Him. So many sermon I heard in Sunday services doesn't seems to change me a lot, because I bored and tired hearing them again and again. However, there is something I missed, we had missed it - Humility. A true worshiper is humble and let go of all our thoughts and planning. Even when we are a very knowledgeable person, we will never stop ourselves from learning again what God has to teach us. When we feel bored, means something is not right, we are not exciting for God anymore, because we expect to learn something that we expect God to teach. That expectation is demandingness.

I don't blame those who do not get what is Christianity all about where there is no guarantee that people's pain are relieve, people's problem be solved. I do not see it weird when people left church because of disappointment of not finding the peace when they are in the church, it makes perfect sense sometimes when people argue their case with God that they wasn't treated fair (as Job in the bible did).

When people learn the meaning of true despair it breeds hope, because there is no way to go but depend 100% in God if you still believe - that is faith. Some people may see that Christians are crazy people, even sociologist have it this way, that Christians creating their own theory of God to depend on where something transcend their knowledge and the unexplainable. Creating a space for people to put their hope in where there seems no hope - that is faith created by man to form a God. I don't blame these sociologist, because they don't see God, they don't know the truth.

So what is wrong with these Christians? Some are crazy, some feel left out when invested some much time and effort in the church for what? Disappointed every moment and envy those who live better lives than us when they live by their own way. That taste like despair and mistreated right?

There answer to this question is: "We are not anymore the world's people, we were reborn in to God's family, and that what we longing will not be found in this world."