Something must have stumble Thomas...

The answer is no. It is not stumbling, but simply is the craziness become reality... I just wanna to be myself that is all. I know, I am a violent person, use rude words, and blame God. I hated myself so much because of Him. Leaving God is not an option but left me no choice to continue to hate myself. Although He taught me not to condemn myself and He say He wasn't going to condemn me anyway but real change is not there. I just don't see it. I waited 2 years spending submissively and obediently follow what He taugh me seems like not effective at all. Yet I discover the trueself in me is a total darkness and evil. What I teach always is about how evil decieve people yet did not abide to what the devil's scheme are cause it was too scary and unholy.

There is no middle road, cause without going in God's path is dead end.

I don't know what I am saying now but... either way, I am hanging in between good and bad. I'm tired figthing for the Good and I am still the enemy of the bad... I don't know where I stand now. When I am thinking back, did I not doing very well in follow God's command so I fall away? But I had tried my best not to, yet it proves helpless when I fail to prepare the soil for the rain to pour in... Then He don't even border those who are weak that can't prepare the field for the rain. How? It wasn't foolist that they weak don't want the blessing, but since the illustration give birth the this decietful thought that we must do our best in order to get God's favor then only He blesses.

I don't know this is simply a bad logic I could think of right now...

Correct me please. I know I am wrong, but this is what I see... It is true God only favor those who are strong enough to hold His command. It always has been. Favoritism... also is what I find in God... that is why I jealous of others... Looks like Darwin's natural selection has won the debate in this statement when it comes to strongest lives and weak hell they go.

The Grudge

I still know what you did last summer...

and I still know the number 23 start to haunts you.

NUMBERS 32:23

BEWARE YOUR SIN WILL SEEK YOU OUT?

232323232323232323232323233232323232332

I don't have to pretend I've got it all together... when I don't

I don't have to pretend my best relationship deeply satisfies... when it doesn't

I don't have to pretend my struggle with sin is a thing of the past... when it isn't

I don't have to say much...

Sin waiting at the door all the time,

sometimes it comes in grudging me.

Sin entangled me when other people take it as their own.

Indulgence... what have you make me?

I'm envious! I jealous you people who do things freely.

Where I am bounded by stricken rules,

where you all see me stubborn because following them.

Is fleeing from sin solve the problem?

Not always the case... I had understand it wrongly

when he runs away naked when his cloth was taken off by a whore.

This new year is a year of conquerors.

It is time to face the root of all sins.

The INNER-SELF

Open up the door and let it in seems like a route to death.

It was like when God came down to Adam while

he realised he was naked.

No.

Why not take up the courage to admit?

RIDE OUT OF DOOR!

FACE IT!

Else I just kept myself in the room of comfort and indulgence.

The room is a short lived space of safety,

but

Sin is like fire burning outside the room.

Soon it will burns everything else and you

will be lacking of air and the whole

building collapse with you in it.

Face it, or die.

Treasure Hunting

In the beginning of a new year, everyone is busy with planning and new year resolution. The focus is to do something even better than the year before. As it has been foretold Asian countries will rise in both power and economy. Many great leaders and developers had their eyes set on this golden opportunity to collect as much benefits in this golden age. There is no mistake I been in this town called Kampar in chinese "金宝" the first character read as Jin (gold) and Bao (treasure), this town is going to blow and as well as the land surrounding it such as Gopeng. Perak is such a wonderful state to develop. I wanted to call this land a land of oppotunity. After hearing comments from so many friends I was convinced to stay here and invest myself for God in Gopeng and Kampar.

However I will still seek for guidance from God see where He wants me to be, else I will not have His favor on me. That will do me no good at all. In this new year, it is a real start for a real change. For me it's new commitment and new responsibility. I am going to become better man, God wanted to best for me, why not myself explore what best I can give?

Now starting today in order to clear of all my chains and hindrances, I must have a very special kind of change. This change from the inside out is what I called a treasure. For the pass year I failed to fully commence what I have planned to do. But this year will not be the same again. I will hunt down this treasure and I will spread the HOPE of changing ourselves into better us rather than an ideal self we made to strife on. To know ourselves more and have a true identity of our own, that is to know what the creator has created in us. How? Through having a relationship with God and read His words (Bible).

This year I am going commence a few projects first I will help in reconstructing the Hope Kampar BGR model with a team, while doing some research on making the study more accurate and valid. In due time I will create some other tests and surveys for my church and assess to the people's needs, personality, behavioural patterns, life style, source of motivation, defense mechanism and a lot more. Next after validate all these studies and was given to the people and collect datas, I will discuss with my leaders about how to cope better in every different individuals. One of my suggestion is to best to know the pattern of sinful behaviors. Then with much encouragement and motivation, we will heal the person.

Great ideas right? I love to do raphah ministry, it brings healing to people and assisting one another to be the best for God, simply God wants the best of us because He has created us more than what we think we are! - of course for the purpose of God.

This my passion for you my dearest friends, though my way of relating to people may be a little cool. But my heart is always warm to welcome you in and I will help you with all I have.

Regards,

Thomas Choo

Project Barnabas