The answer is no. It is not stumbling, but simply is the craziness become reality... I just wanna to be myself that is all. I know, I am a violent person, use rude words, and blame God. I hated myself so much because of Him. Leaving God is not an option but left me no choice to continue to hate myself. Although He taught me not to condemn myself and He say He wasn't going to condemn me anyway but real change is not there. I just don't see it. I waited 2 years spending submissively and obediently follow what He taugh me seems like not effective at all. Yet I discover the trueself in me is a total darkness and evil. What I teach always is about how evil decieve people yet did not abide to what the devil's scheme are cause it was too scary and unholy.
There is no middle road, cause without going in God's path is dead end.
I don't know what I am saying now but... either way, I am hanging in between good and bad. I'm tired figthing for the Good and I am still the enemy of the bad... I don't know where I stand now. When I am thinking back, did I not doing very well in follow God's command so I fall away? But I had tried my best not to, yet it proves helpless when I fail to prepare the soil for the rain to pour in... Then He don't even border those who are weak that can't prepare the field for the rain. How? It wasn't foolist that they weak don't want the blessing, but since the illustration give birth the this decietful thought that we must do our best in order to get God's favor then only He blesses.
I don't know this is simply a bad logic I could think of right now...
Correct me please. I know I am wrong, but this is what I see... It is true God only favor those who are strong enough to hold His command. It always has been. Favoritism... also is what I find in God... that is why I jealous of others... Looks like Darwin's natural selection has won the debate in this statement when it comes to strongest lives and weak hell they go.
##*5月13日*## -- 人生啊~
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人长大之后,很多以前都只剩下怀念了。
最近心里有很多很复杂的想法,以前的话,应该会非常有表达欲,很想在网上留下一些文字,然后得到别人的共鸣之后,会觉得非常有满足感。
但是不知道什么时候开始,这种表达欲渐渐减少了。总有一种感觉,说了也没有用,说了也没人听。
我不知道这样的改变,是因为我们长大了,还是我们妥协...
2 days ago