Restless Day and Nights

Today is the fourth day I counted that I am under stress. For what reason I stressed? I still do not know, what I know is the stress starts when the school starts. Maybe I was worried about the assignments given and all the responsibility that I need to carry out throughout these January intake events. I use to say that I am a person that can't take big responsibility and large sum of responsibility. I can't make a firm decision because whenever I make a decision, I feared the comment from other person and somehow being criticized. All in all, I am still gutless. "胆小鬼" I am a victim of fear, couldn't handle much challenges. Most of the time I will only make a fake smile infront of people but feel uneasy behind the scene, I often forgotten the reason of being happy and joyful is. Yesterday's blog was a big encouragement talk and gives motivation to whom that has read it. All these if do not have an authentic acceptance and faith, it could mean nothing to all of us.

I am much troubled when I saw Vri had struggled over some matters, I may have irrational perception on what she is facing but I am sure that she is struggling over these matters, e.g. Conflicting friendship, responsibility as a student and also responsibility as member in a church. All lot of time people thinks word of encouragement alone can help to ease the pain, but it is wrong, the word of encouragement is effective when the encourager truely understand how the receiver feels. I saw Miller also struggling over some matters too, and also I see the same eyes in Vivian, Joyce, Bee Ling, and most of all Joshua. Everyone has their own struggle, wrestle with the mind, and the enemy of the spirit. What more can I do? What I have learn is not to put other person's worry unto ourselves that we suffers unnecessary pain that is in extra load. We have enough worries on our own each and everyday. Am I a fool that think that I can make others happy when I am not happy? For there is a saying "When I am truely happy only that can I make others happy" or should I interpret it in a different context? That is "When I truely love myself; the love itself will reflect on others." What girls are so sensitive about is the trueself within each person, that is why girls likely to be attracted to those whom really mature and authentic. They see confidence not the result, they see the hardwork behind the scene not the output, they see the amount of love put in not the aggression for success. This is why I thanked God that He created women to be a helper for men to live more maturely. My mind is filling up again, I shall put this mind into rest, but what I hope is that we all really put in our confidence, our perseverance and love in whatever we do, we do it for the glory of God. As for me came a friendly advise, that is to pray always to the Lord, cry out that may the love, joy and peace be with us forever, so that we can fulfill this undying wish to make people happy, because when we are truely joyous it will reflect onto others. Amen.

Notes: Vri, when you are reading this I also want you to open up your bible to 1 Corinthians 12 - 14, these two chapters may give you guidance on your question about the Spiritual giftings and about tongue. Thanks.^^