It was a wonderful week that has been gone through, the week of GSM, Good Samaritan work. The next coming up event is today, that we will start our dedication to search deep in to the hostle of every freshmen in UTAR, Kampar. I feel joyous, whenever I see these people are blessed by God, and I am happy, because I stand on the other side that is serving and see that the other people that I serve is happy because we gave. Unfortunately until today although I am serving with what I can do, but still having a problem with concentrating on it, first is my relationship and second is my study. I read 1 Corinthians 7 today, and my heart was troubled, because Paul said it is not necessary that everyone to get married, because when we are single we can put full effort and give full attention on pleasing God. Supposedly when I am serving, I do have concentration, but not until yesterday when I came back from school, Miller called me over to have a session for foundation of faith. He talk about prayer, and challenged me something, though I know what is the stucture for prayer but I feel wierd to follow roboticly, so we concluded the most important part is to pray with faith, not the structure. He challenge me about the defination of what is a mature means. Supposedly I know the anwser by saying: "We make a living with what we get; we make a life with what we give!" It is to give, knowing how to give and care for others, that is maturity. Am I mature? I don't have the confident to say I am. Am I ready to serve? Though I am serving in a little part, but I didn't expect for more responsibility, and I say I am not ready.
I am reluctant to talk about my relationship with Vri right now, because I start to get frustrated that God doesn't intend us to be togather, for Joshua and Bee Kim had waited and fasted 40 days and prayed 3 years only gets the confirmation. Then? What am I right now? The more when I walked closer to God and the more I walk closer to Vri, once again I lost my confident, because I am tempted again, for I found out that Vri has certain level of interest in me, and we are getting more and more intimate in our friendship. The further we go, the more temptation arise, why? This morning when I wake up the first thing come to my mind is "I love her, but I also love God, I need to put God higher than her." I think I need to discuss this matter with Joshua and other elders, so that I may not stumble, Miller once advise me to saparate me from Vri so that I totally cut off from all the temptation which devil used her to against me. I couldn't done that, because I still want to build a friendship with her. If God never intend us to be togather, then I am a fool to put my hope in her, and this is immaturity. I learn one thing from the word earnest, that this word is build from eagerness and honesty, so I prayed with eagerness this morning about our relationnship and honest about my feelings to God, oh! I am totally trasparent! Life is indeed difficult.
But I shall have myself back right now, there is a lot more things I need to do out of Joy, with peace in mind and Love each another with brotherly affection. Later I am going into campus, so I shall not bring along this emotion there. What left here is the understanding of what had I felt this morning and later I might need to talk to her about this.
"FEAR NOT FOR I HAVE MADE GOD MY CONFIDENCE"
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