It is clear

There is much more things revealed in a shine of the light. The shadows in us uncovers, all the shame, fleshly desires, hidden truth, and the ugly truth is written all over our faces and bodies. There is much truth that we can't deny, but to accept the true nature as what we are created here for. What I am trying to say here is that everyone has their fleshly desires, which Abraham Maslow pioneered his hierarchy of needs. The needs for food, drink, fresh air, and suitable temperature in an environment. These are the physiological needs, and we are to have the desire to get it only to survive. Second level is the needs of safety, finding a shelter, bunker up ourselves from danger, and settle down in a peaceful environment. Without meeting up these needs, we are not going any futher to the next level of needs that is love and belongingness. Because of this need, I started a lot of thinking, do I really satisfied with this to get along towards self-actualization? Logically I did, I have lovely brothers and sisters in a church and a lot more friends outside in the campus, and lovely family that is increasingly intimate, most of all I have a loving Father who was and is in the heaven. Logically, I satisfy my needs in here, but there is still something missing.

Maybe I shouldn't use Maslow's theory on this one. Practically to explain these I should us the psychosexual theory by Frued. I am sometimes striving for sex and it is no good to me. All is in the wrong timing, wrong place and wrong motive. For some extend I will hate myself sometimes for not having self-control, but the Lord teaches us not to do self-condemnation. Am I sex seeking or love seeking? Lust and love they are not the same! And this is the truth. But one horrible truth is that man are created to be sexually active type, so I have to apologize here to all the girls, please tolerate the people who are doing something provoking these sex topic. I urge you sisters to understand the brothers that the inner nature somehow is like a monster, a sex machine, brothers suffers to control this behaviour so that the sisters are not stumble by the brothers. Please I urge you all to understand our situation.

I made an inference that women are created to control man's sexual behaviour, and man are made to give woman security and protection in a family. Or in other words, woman are more like woman when they know more about man, and man become more like man when they know more about women. I am not saying all these in sexual activity context, but it was about the sexual energy between gender. If you still can't get my concept you can refer to the old chinese teaching of ying and yang. The passive and active energy of life. Without sex human can't reproduce, without love human won't live.

Much confusion the devil has twisted into our mind, I am disappointed to see my dirtiness as so common among the people around my age. While I am doing my dedication on fund raising to sell cookies all around the hostles, what I find out is the responses that most of the students give. The first expression they give is that they talk about their BGR (Boy Girl Relationship) status, what cames across their minds are to give the gift to their boy or girlfriend. What about other friends that are around? What about the lecturer and tutors that you all appreciated about? Where are they in your mind? I was deeply pierce into my heart that I also do has the same mentality as they. I grieved in sorrow while I read about 1 corinthians chapter 7, that the truth is we are not necessary to get marry. Among my culture, marraige is one of the biggest event in each human lives ，“终生大事”. Once I despair towards my mother that I don't wanted to get marry, and wouldn't put an eye on a girl. Sometimes I hated girls for they are such seducing naturally, and I hated that I lost my mind into dirtiness. Why am I such a weakling that guard so lose of my own mind?

I am sick recently, maybe because I am sick, my body is weak, and so do my mind. I think the devil is start to plot attack against me again while I am in this desperate moment. I was tempted all the while to satisfy me fleshly desires for sex, computer games, slothing all the way, glutony, and folly act. I am not trying to be a perfectionist here, I was just to put myself living on the tension of maturity.(Warren, 2002) These are for some explaination why we are fasting, I do not know truely what is the meaning of fasting, but one thing I know is that fasting is to give away our rights, give away (not give up) our fleshly desires and feeds on the word of God which is our spiritual food. Man doesn't live on bread alone, they need love and all other physiological needs. See through it, I am sure I am transforming into something I couldn't imagine, but I am sure I am a bit more learning to be like Christ. Pray for my sickness and my spiritual growth. May all the Love, Joy and the peace of the Lord be with you all always. Amen.