天真の我？M I NAIVE?

"Thomas! You have been overly playful, if you play a little lesser at home you would probably reach your target!" - Super-ego
"No, it was I who give you people pressure, I just have made the target too high for you both to reach, so please stop blaming each other." - Ego
"What? If I am not relaxed at first there wouldn't be a yesterday, and there wouldn't be a 28.5/40 coursework marks okay!?!" - ID

See that? They are arguing again, then who was the killer in this statement? For me I wouldn't judge the ID rather want to give my credit to ID, because if it wasn't him provide the strenght to pursue on learning and supplies the psyche energy, probably I am in another depression by now. No, I have successfully maintain my last target as I was in 3.222 GPA last semester and I am confident enough I will do it again, but for the sake of getting into first class honours, and turning the loan into scholarship and use it to buy an electrical piano for my church, 3.222 is not enough. That is why I put my target in this short semester to get at least a 3.8 GPA and above to drag the CGPA up the ladder. There was another arguement in me saying, "Thomas, you say your prayers aren't demanding, but let me ask you, will you buy an electrical piano for the church if you don't get the scholarship?" Sounds somewhat true for me, this is not about the result of my studies, it was about offering a piano for the church, how willing am I to give? Then I tell myself "Do I have the ability to do that? I mean without a scholarship I have no money. I can't give the church a piano without money." Sounds very negative right? But most people will say this is common sense. If I turn this statement into positive way, people will say me crazy, well I tell you, Christians is crazy people. God had this a challenge for me, so I will just believe that he will give me, this is for the purpose for his glory and I should do it without fear. I had made this a commitment, a goal and are focusing on it. I desire to give God a piano as a graduation gift and I made this my choice. This is my attitude towards success. Says, the book I read eight months ago came into action. Thanks to Dr. Peter. The ten secrets for success, but I say the ten fruits for success.

Come back to this question: "How much are you willing to give?" Then I will say, "Whether I get the scholarship or not, I will still buy a piano for this church, when I am working and by all means necessary." Does that sounds crazy for you now? Crazy people jump over the wall of obstacles, crazy people believe whatever they do can be done, this is as much as all Christians should be. I'll just take my time to grow.

About the war last past 12 days, it was continual, and the aftermath effect is deminishing when I am here in Kampar. As I had told you, Kampar is a blessed place, a shelther of God, a place which give birth to new babies and new faiths. I was amazed by this place and addicted to God's blessing. That is naive?... The reason I don't like do everything depends on someone including God, was I felt so weak and have no ability for my own. But this problem I had solve a thousand times and yet it still post a treat to me, is it my pride? Unwilling to humble down? Why bother? I had told you I had it right, just like what C.S.Lewis has to say "...when I give up myself to God's personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own." There are fightings ahead of us, the war of the deciever. Remember that our enemy is to steal, kill and destroy. That is the same technique they uses to attack us, same basic movement, they just manipulate the difficulties, create a little bit chaos in you mind, then they win. After this warfare I learn, that our enemy knows us well, knows everything about our weakness and strenght. They make our strenght turn pride and weaknesses become the toxin of our emotional life- e.g. depression. Secrets of living a better than good life is written all over the bible, take time to read it, you will realise it. For example John 14: 27 (ESV) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." See, let not your hearts be troubled or affraid? That is the secrets.

Am I still Naive? or just I am too proud of myself? Let the time goes past and all stories will tell you slowly who I really was and is.