The leader within - 2 Dec 09

I meet a failure again today and I take a little time to figure out that I am actually stressed, because I realise that my breath so strong yet still feel like not breathing. Something must be up to making me stress up. Then little Thomas came out and remind me something, that the ID energy reservior is drying up, and it has been incongruence to these few days of holidays, it should be recharging not drying? Then finally I allow myself to relax down and do what I feel it can recharge this energy. That is why I writing this blog here, since every begining of a chapter starts with new challengers, then the leader within is another challenge.

Today I planned to finish at least first chapter of the counseling skill, talking about the counseling relationship. I had made a structure and goals how to move on to get this all input to my mind, but I was stress up easily, where does the energy goes? Feeling like I run out of stamina, this is well explain I did not lead my life well, so stress is all the way coming to attack me. No way, I need to give space for me to relax down and recharge all energy I needed before I start to commence this study plan. Or else it would be wasting time studying.

I know one of the cause that will drain my stamina, that is when I have guilt of sinning against God. Guilt strive all the energy toward itself and draining all positive energy from the host, and it leads to feel reluctant of doing anything. Forgiveness and repentence is important in this practice that you can lead yourselves up not to drain your energy for guilt. Be clear now I have equip myself with patient, kindness and gentle, yet it is not perfect, but im not strive for perfection, I'm just trying to reward myself (this is not an act of selfishness, but self love). Knowing how to appreciate yourself is very important, and knowing your own good and bad is also an advantage for yourself to have a better framework to lead yourselves on how you choose and goes. Sound like decision making right? Yes it is, good leaders are good decision makers.

"Abba Father, please hear my prayers, will you feed my energy? Will you not let your servant sin the same sin again, I do not wanted to do it again, you know what I mean. I often heard the wrong voices, and I thought it was you, please Lord, deliver me out of temptation, I know I have begin to gain wisdom and strenght from you, yet I am still weak, I am sorry that I take things up personally that I didn't do your way. Please, Lord forgive me and help me to change, if I waste up this energy I couldn't focus my strenght on that commitment that I made. I commited to get a 3.5 CGPA when I am graduated just to buy you an electronic piano so that I could serve your call as a musician. May your will be done. Confort your servant Lord, I am sick to feel this terrible pain, I need to have myself back again, sorry for struggled on my own, I should have invite you to war against temptation togather. I am sorry. In Jesus name. Amen."