Joy

The joy of the lord is my strength, whatever problem faced and it is often self defeating, sad and disappointing, yet the joy of the lord remains in me. The love of God and His power and grace and mercy had blessed on me that is all I needed to know. This Thursday was the happiest day ever in my life, I never felt so happy before, I don’t know how to explain the joy I had in my heart seeing our relationship gaining back both me and God and also with Vri. I am glad to hear that God call her back through dreams and confirmed by her Batu Pahat friend. This telling me God is on the duty and I see a lot of blessing and wisdom will be bestowed on her, and she will be a more stronger and fiery Christian. From this situation, I see she will be another great shepherd of the lost sheep. Though that day I couldn’t resist myself to feel envious, but I am sorry and I repented, and never mind, I did not feel it anymore. God has changed things and made our weakness become perfect, I am glad that I did prayed for her, and often did not have patient but God answers my prayers when my patient is getting lost. I think I can do better next time. My patient has grown I guess.
No way, the same thing heard in my ears again when I set foot in Hope Kampar. One of the sister say that I am like a “pastor”… Do I look like one? No, I don’t believe it, I wanted to go out and share God’s word, I wanted to be out of the wall. Why would I wanted to be a Pastor? I just want to be a normal guy pursuing on my career coaching career, in any helping professions, yet in the same time indirectly share the God’s message through it. Haiz… I don’t like this feeling, I just wanted to pray for confirmation to the lord. I know sometime God didn’t answer then it may means: “No.” The last time I heard is from my mother, she say I am like a pastor, then maybe I have a Irrational Believe in myself. I wanted to say I am not, because I choose not to be one. I forgotten already who tells me that I am like a pastor, ah ya, my old pal Joanne. Whatever, I know who I am and that is enough. But please God tell me what to do with this… Do you really mean to make a pastor??? Now I really want to pray for confirmation, but I wanted it to be specific. I wanted to hear “yes Thomas you will become one” in the mouth of Vri and no one else. No joke please I am serious.