The Mark of Friendship (part II)

Last time when I wrote about the mark of Friendship in the unity of submission, sincerity, trust and empathy, yet it is still very useful to see how much you love your friends. Friendship is something makes life possible to go on, last time I was going on solo, and I fell. My life change since Miller came in and disarms me and God send him to me, I felt the brotherly love in Him, Miller was someone that the first time I felt God is at work. The friends around him also getting more close together with me, and I can see the differences between Christian friends or should I say friend with Christ love is different. I sense the unity and family spirit among us. Just like westerners define Asians that they are more grouped life rather than individualistic, and this is an advantage of showing our love to everyone around.

I had a struggle of keeping Vri as my friend, because it was incongruence to my actions. My heart recognized her as someone special, and my heart is long to make her my Wife and giving her all the happiness and joy of life. Yesterday when I was on a train traveling back from Putra Jaya to Kampar, I heard a voice tell me to imaging when Vri say: “How much do you love me?” I will just answer her by telling all the stories that we had been through, all those hard times and all those joyous moment together. I will just simply reflecting all our memories and telling her “You know how much I love you in your heart.” As I keep on imagining this, she replied my SMS, that makes me feel somehow we are connected anywhere. But I think if I really keep myself focusing too much on this fantastic moment, it will not come true. I know she had been nice to me nowadays, after the storms had calm down, we proclaim to be friend again after we had an argument for couples of weeks we had silent. I remember every word she is saying, and I receive news from my friend that she has been talking about me. I feel hope again. I know, I have got to move on and growing more Christ like, to be a better man, and as God said to me: “Be Prepared!” It doesn’t mean prepare me to death, but it means everything, be prepare for everything that has to come, prepare me to live, including the coming of Christ that I may save some sheep for Him, that I become a better man that I could take care of the brothers and sisters around me and also mean that I prepare myself to give a happy life for Vri. After so many incidents, and happenings, I felt that I need to improve myself to get to it, or else I will stay stagnant and soon this plan will be distorted. I have to commit myself to be prepare, ready myself to take care of people.

Why I put this love story in this passage? It wasn’t just love story, can’t you see how we well can do while we love each other in the name of friendship? I did I my heart had put her as my wife, but in the reality I have to work it just as Jacob work for Rachael for 14 years, the future mind already set up, now is the time to work in the NOW to make the future happen. Within these years we are friends, friendship is the time for both of us to be prepared for each other, to dig out the true self within, because we need to live without mask when we are married. When I imagined on the train, I can’t recall enough what has been through for both of us, this means I do not know well yet, and it sounds it is just too early to start a dating relationship, though now we are better friends, but it not the time yet. Only true friend can be great life partners, strangers become friends, friend become best friend, and best friend become my girlfriend and my girlfriend become my wife. It is how life is going. I’m pretty sure our level friendship still is remaining in the friend level, and I am working on to make her my best friend.

Friendship is to train up how you love people, a time to prepare yourselves to take care of other people, and prepare to build up a family, a time to prepare you to be yourself. Thanks to Eunice’s quote: “I will just ask you to let me be me.”

Mountain top experience

The most happy, joyful and tired convention I ever attend was this, The Core at PICC. Excitingly packup during wednesday night and ready to move after thursday morning class then we travel sharp at 2 pm. Our first stop is going sg. Buloh if I didn't mistaken, we ate A&W over there XD. Long time din't eat already, and the root beer still in the same quality ^^, and it was for dinner. We reach there and have a wonderful night celebration. Check this out, Im not going to write the whole story about what we are doing.

In this convention we all going to seek for mountian top experience with God, which mean we are seeking for a close presence of God and enjoy the joy and peace togather from all nations around the world. God does speak to everyone, but I still haven't sure what is my call, I just have to keep on asking for confirmation. Nevertheless I and Miller had made a commitment for God that we will get into first class honours so that we do not need to return our loans. That extra piece of money we will buy music instruments for our church for Miller desperately want to play bass guitar to praise God and I need a piano to serve Him. I saw an electronic piano cost RM 3500 that is for one semester's fee already. Nevermind, miracle can happen when we believe. Seems that there is no lose, we got better results and able to serve God with the gift that He as given us.

Some of my friends struggled during the convention, some struggled God's call, some struggled about baptism, some struggled about past depression and guilt. While I struggled about what am I in the kingdom of God. I struggled between whether am I growing in the right way or will I grow until I left God out? I struggled with fear that what great responsibility I will had when I call upon God to give me more strenght. As in spiderman movie qoute : "With great powers comes great responsibility" And I believe everyone also struggled whether it was God's call or not. Some are our concience, some are evil, and some are from God. Sometimes I did say the voice heard is unreliable, it just can be a reference. I heard one of my friend said the voice call her to go suicide, and I say God wouldn't possibly call you to kill yourself without a reason. No, it was because of this, we go into the spirital realm to seek God we also seek the demon too. We saw them they see us, this is very true, Mr. S. A. Tan use this opportunity to strike us because we are seeking God too closely and he is jealous.

Some how I know God is telling me to become a great supporter of a church no matter what church am I in to. In Hope's principle christians must have a local church to commit to. I think that is a very true fact to focus out strenght unto a church, because we are not supermans. I had a call that God wants me to live to play music for Him, that is why I made the commitment to get a 1st class for Him. But this commitment is made by me, it may not be what God wants. That is why I am still struggling, what is the way that God wants to lead me.

Here by I want to thank a person and also to seek for apologize to the same person. I know because of you I'd changed, and the way you treat me I felt you have get more closer to me. But I can't denied that we are just friends. I really wish I could do the same. I have asked God, what He has to say about us. Im sorry that I have lustful mind with you again, forgive me. Deep down I know we are just friends.

Came down from the mountains, I had a vision that this Hope church in Kampar, I will be one of their musician to play music and serve God fully in that. I also asked God what he wanted me to be too, what else he want me to be.This is not the first time I gone up to the mountain top, I believe I did experience God enough to write a life long dairy about Him. Amen.

A Long Run

Do you still remember the last time when I use to say that God bring me to a place where it is like a dessert? He showed me the clear path rather than walking in some bushes which is full of danger? Now, this place changes just like my life changed. The piece of sandy ground after days and days of raining, it became a greeny field, full of grass and it was a miracle that it grow so evenly that looks like it is flat. Wonderful things happening around me all the day, just need to take time to realise that God is so great and wonderful to us, his grace and mercy everyday is new!

Yesterday I got a friend say she was worried about what will she become after baptized in the name of the Father, the son and the holy spirit. Well, baptizing for me is like a marraige, an affirmation of love and commitment that one had on each other. I was worried too when I decide whether or not to be baptize that early, because I had a wrong perception on baptizing. I thought that baptized was to do something with salvation, no. I was wrong, whether a person baptized or not there is nothing to do with salvation, because salvation is not earned, God's grace make it possible for us. Now only is the time I truely understand what baptize is, but not fully yet. I was inspire again by the word of C.S. Lewis, he says: " The more we let God take us over, the more truely ourselves we become - because he made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be... It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own. " This words I hope everyone who are reading this will inspire you. I always waited for the opportunity of sharing how much I know and how much I care for another person, yesterday was one big opportunity God don't want me to miss. By sharing out my love, the more wisdom I could obtain. No one will really know how much you know until you really care for them - not care about them. The lesson of Love is really wonderful beyond my description, I admit that when I have love, the world is gonna change.

I am still affraid of what is going to happen tomorrow, though I didn't worry about my death, but there is a greater commission that I haven't fulfill yet. Remember what my prayer is? " God, whether I get anything else done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving others - because that is what life is all about. I don't want to waste this day. " Will I show the world what love really is and how it will change everyone's world? I don't know, whenever I talk about this, it reminds me about what my purpose is while living in this world. My purpose is - To live as a blessing of many. I just keep on thinking, what God will have me do later, tomorrow, and the days to come. But I guess the best way is still not to think too much, let God tell you when the time is ready. The same old thing I heard from God is : " Thomas, Please wait. " waiting for the timing of God. Well this passage is gonna be a long long run. It will continues until who knows where? I think I will stop here and wait for God's timing. I recall a bible verse from Ecclesiates 3: 1-8.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones togather;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

忍耐-patience （我要爆了！！！）

我看今天神拼命要我学习这一个功课，就是学习忍耐。早上和朋友们打篮球然后去吃早餐。这个星期我吃超量的食物，吃啊吃啊，不知有肺了吗？这几个星期里我的生活过得多姿多彩，很烦忙的几个星期，但是过得很有意义。就很神奇的觉得神在梦中叫我要有忍耐的心，吃完早操后，约书亚（Joshua）和米勒（Miller）, 回到家坐下来谈起忍耐的功课。我对事就比较无耐，我不能等把一件事情做完，对人呢就比较好一点。

刚才打了一通电话给ah Hee, 我真得气到爆。为什么我们上了大学还会有这样不专业的捕导师（tutor)。事情终有解决的方式，只是要或不要做而已。我终是觉得她做事没有责任感，现在是学生重要还是她的自私比较重要？

不能了，我对他没有信任感的。我也失去了我的耐心了。

算了，再生气也没用，one way or by another, either side have to sacrifice.

现在把所有的presentation slide准备好就算了。看来3.5CGPA变成了一个幻觉而已。

不管了，晚餐也是要吃的就去了吃steamboat。这是我第一次在金宝吃到这么饱。

Pangkor Trip

Yesterday gone for Pangkor trip with all my church buddies spended RM 50++ per person. It is quite cheap already ^^ This trip considered the most craziest trip for me too, because I got to shoot my own pictures. Don't know since when I also get excited to take photos and got shot inside it haha. Wonderful miracle happened that day, the rain clouds just pass by us to the other side of the island and we did not hit by the rain. Yet we enjoyed the cloudy day there playing at the beach. COTOMATE!! Let me tell the story from the begining.

We travel through Malim Nawar then go past Sime Derby Palm oil estate. We reach a little Fu Zhou Kampung one out of 48 if I'm not mistaken, we stop by and we eat Fu Zhou Luo Mee a lot of sea food lo wowowo... and add some vinegar delicious man only cause RM 2.

Then we continue the journey...We arived to Pangkor Terminal Jetty !! Then we travel by ferry...  For around 30 minutes, we arrive to the other side of the jetty on Pnagkor. We get 2 vans to fetch us go to visit some place first. Yeah!!

Our first stop, Dutch Port where in the history, the Pangkor War during 16 centuries that Dutch only used 60 elite militia to guard this post. This place where said to keep tin resources there, raise unsatisfaction of the Malays then started a conflict there.

Well next stop somewhere inside we call the "money hole" (钱洞). We all go there say "fatt ya! 发财呀！"  Well we saw a half faced stone on that hill and a big 缘 writting on a gaint stone wakaka ^.^

This place is really nice, but it is way too hot. Hot is not stoping us shooting photos, we continued shooting and finally we all got dried and go down to a hut to drink coconut juice. Ok now we are ready to move to the third stop ... Satay factory yohooo! But.. unfortunately I didn't take any photos there, you can check it out at my facebook there, you might find some =P Then we head for another temple just built beside sea shores, and the title photo is taken from there, we jump and jump and shoot and shoot our beach life photos, and funny thing is that Vivian lost her sandals while playing at the water side. Lol. It is a miracle that after a prayer that the clouds adn rain leave us and her sandal flows back to the shore. =)

Next we go makan at some native "warung" we all ate maggie goreng, mee goreng, and also kuey toew goreng, wow, its delicious also ma. Though it was a little bit spicy, but boleh tahan la. After we eat we straight bear foot walking towards one of the nice spot for us to water sporting !!

While they all playing like mad that never been to sea side before, I run a couple of wet sands to make this pile of "shit" up, lol, it was suppose to be sand castle, but watever... This funniest thing is that Hui Wen was buried by us under the sand, and we pretend that was her grave, we all were like kids, haha, then we call Yun Lai come here and play a song for us to sing. Crazy beach activity, but really funny. Well this time I was preparing to go down water so I kept my camera, then I didn't take any photo since. But we have crazy activity that we all make some funny posting, like a star, Hope logo, stack up lego (I and Robin and Sushi were the first liner... haiz, very tiring, you know the formation of the 18 monks? - 十八罗汉镇。) is it spell like that? I don't know, correct me if Im wrong. My chinese lousy sorry =P. Then before we all pacj up and go, we shoot couples of videos, funny later can check up with facebook also. I will provide link in my comment when available.

Then around 6 pm I guess we all pack up and go. Sad thing is that there are no public toilets @.@" we sneak in to some hotel's bath room and we had been warn that we it is only for guest only. But we can't stand the salt and sand on our bodies, at quick we all brothers go in and splash awhile then change cloth come out already. Lucky for sisters, the worker is a male, he don't dare to go in haha. Sisters they bath "song song" lo. Clean jor only come out haha. But also good la, can clean a little, and lucky that we have only 4 sisters following. If more I don't know how long to take them to bath because inside only got 6 rooms. =.=

We departed and we gone to mainland and have our wonderful dinner there. Bei King!! The food there seafood is like free one lo... each plates also have some seafood in it haha. Great just RM14 per person, and it is delicious, lol it makes me feel hungry now =.= and 11pm we safely reach Kampar again.

-The End-

Dawn of War 12/11/09

After the first encounter in DDK5 code name UAPC1024 mid term test fail to secure, I was ashamed that I did not lead my battalion well during the trainings, sloth every where, and UAPC1024 take us down easily because they caught us totally off guard and unprepared. I remembered the days when we are strong, but after a peaceful moment we did not prepare our troops to face another devastating warfare with our enemies. Now I understand why and history they never stop fighting, the war will never stop until the world settles and the weak is bound under their sovereignty. Unfortunately none of them success, but often we see those who lose in the battle is that they feel contented and underestimate their opponent’s ability. They are not weak though, but it was this mind set make them weak,their attitude make their wall tremble, and city hall burned. This story exactly describe how am I right now, my walls cracks and houses burning by those hurling catapults. To Arm men TO ARMS!!! No, their fat under their amours make them run slow, their unused muscles make the grasp weak and their shields and sword easily fall away by strike. Their drunkenness make their vision unclear, and their arrows shooting in no directions and lost their accuracy. It was a shameful overrun yesterday, dominated by a foolish UAPC1024. Lucky I survived, and my men retreated to another stronghold, but I believe we had seen enough for our bad deeds and what spiritual pollutants can done to us in a warfare. In our eyes burn with vengeance and hatred, but it will not be long for us to retake UAPC1024. Lets go back and lick our wounds, and remember that addiction to any spiritual pollutants such as gluttony, slothfulness, greed, and folly will torn us apart.


“Attention to all delta 38 squadron we are about to face another butchering warfare ahead of us, they will strike in any moment and I pray for you brothers and sisters, may God grant us the strength and courage to face it. What I emphasize here is the firm foundation and our morale, to have it we must train it out, and I see in your eyes that you want to have vengeance for your lost, and it is out there, but with our strength right now still we are no match for those foul beast, and I believe within this intersession that the foul beast rest, we revive ourselves and in a week, they will fall upon our might and our wrath! There can be miracle when you believe! Now go and train ourselves up!”

Busy week

Shoot you... assignment for counselling skills. Haiz, I be the client better la. Technical error pulak, I hope to see it going swiftly and hand in in time...

I don't like this, being busy yet still haven't get the job done, the exam is near, well I mean the mid term coming up this Wednesday, and assignment deadline is one thursday, and this coming up 14th Nov, there is a hope Kampar 2nd anniversary, and I am busying doing the keyboardist thing. Now even started to invite dearly friends to attend and celebrate with us.

You can visit this blog page to attain more information http://hope4u-him.blogspot.com/

Not bad ma, a great celebration for only RM3. Worth it!! Come on guys if you are all free that day please inform me so that I may distribute the tickets to you. ^.^

There can be miracles, when you believe.

Joy

The joy of the lord is my strength, whatever problem faced and it is often self defeating, sad and disappointing, yet the joy of the lord remains in me. The love of God and His power and grace and mercy had blessed on me that is all I needed to know. This Thursday was the happiest day ever in my life, I never felt so happy before, I don’t know how to explain the joy I had in my heart seeing our relationship gaining back both me and God and also with Vri. I am glad to hear that God call her back through dreams and confirmed by her Batu Pahat friend. This telling me God is on the duty and I see a lot of blessing and wisdom will be bestowed on her, and she will be a more stronger and fiery Christian. From this situation, I see she will be another great shepherd of the lost sheep. Though that day I couldn’t resist myself to feel envious, but I am sorry and I repented, and never mind, I did not feel it anymore. God has changed things and made our weakness become perfect, I am glad that I did prayed for her, and often did not have patient but God answers my prayers when my patient is getting lost. I think I can do better next time. My patient has grown I guess.
No way, the same thing heard in my ears again when I set foot in Hope Kampar. One of the sister say that I am like a “pastor”… Do I look like one? No, I don’t believe it, I wanted to go out and share God’s word, I wanted to be out of the wall. Why would I wanted to be a Pastor? I just want to be a normal guy pursuing on my career coaching career, in any helping professions, yet in the same time indirectly share the God’s message through it. Haiz… I don’t like this feeling, I just wanted to pray for confirmation to the lord. I know sometime God didn’t answer then it may means: “No.” The last time I heard is from my mother, she say I am like a pastor, then maybe I have a Irrational Believe in myself. I wanted to say I am not, because I choose not to be one. I forgotten already who tells me that I am like a pastor, ah ya, my old pal Joanne. Whatever, I know who I am and that is enough. But please God tell me what to do with this… Do you really mean to make a pastor??? Now I really want to pray for confirmation, but I wanted it to be specific. I wanted to hear “yes Thomas you will become one” in the mouth of Vri and no one else. No joke please I am serious.

Life Like a boat

This is the third week out of our seven weeks of short semester. Though time is short but a lot of things happened, now I could reflect back my life is like a rowing boat, where there is waves turn me up and sometimes turn me down and a lot of sea water getting in to my little boat. I have rowed far into the midst of the seas where storms that turned Poseidon and sunk it, ice-burg that sinks a Titanic, but what am I, just a little boat rowing in a big sea, where I still need to put off those waters out of my boat to continue floating and rowing. This boat’s size is proportion to the size of friends and family you have, the wider and bigger it is gain stability and security. Last two week I personally dumb a crew out from the boat, and I lost a great associate sailor, that gives me a lot of effort of making my life moving across the sea. But by a little misunderstanding and overly negative in the sense of emotion has blamed that sailor for distracting the course of the boat, yet had thrown the sailor into the sea. Finally, the Captain of the boat realize that lacking of one sailor from the starboard side of the boat will make the boat’s course moving imbalance and put more harder force to the site’s other sailor. The captain finally regretted of throwing off that sailor, and drop down and cried. He find new recruits, but no one like the lost sailor, no one could replace the lost sailor, and this boat is slowly stressed up and starts to moving around and around in the same place where it goes no where.
What is the meaning of friendship and family to me? It has been illustrated up there. Indeed, life is like a boat, friends and family are your crew members, you are the captain of your boat, if you hurt them, you hurt yourself too, and your life will be distorted like the static moving point of the boat. Life will go no where without friends and family, life doesn’t make sense when you are all alone without them. Whenever there is new recruitment, they are all invited to be friends forever and always stays in the same boat, sharing pain and love and whole life time with each other. Friends are treasures and gifts from God, because God uses friends to show His love to us, and this reflect the love among friendship.
What am I on earth has throw away one of my best sailor, now my course of life is getting distorted and distressed. Even my crew starts to exhaust out, and things start to get slower and slower until my life is stagnant. I wish I could leave this boat for a while and go search for the lost sailor across the sea. I wish that the sailor is still alive and willing to forgive the captain and once again row the boat together. I already step the first step by sailing off from my boat so my crew may have rest while I am away. I commence this search and rescue mission immediately after I realize that I am wrong. I will appreciate everything that is around me, and protect them to the fullest. I hope the sailor will be found, and I should be punish accordingly to my deeds.
On this boat there is also some problem, personal problem and that is my study. Already entered the third week yet I still haven’t start my studies yet, and also busy in making the incoming anniversary of Hope Kampar, in Grand Kampar Hotel into some great and awesome event. I pray that after this event may God use us to change the lives of those who are lost out there. Bring back the lost sheep Oh god. I pray that many will answer the altar call when God really call upon them to come back to God’s side once more. I do know what to do more, but what I know at least I can bring Vri and Friends, Adrian, May Way and others to visit our annual anniversary. I hope they find the path of light in it. I hope this is sincere enough to show that I am still care about the friendship with you all. It is just sometime I overly do it, because I was too eager to do things out. I am sorry and I love you all, please forgive me, give my soul rest for a while, it has been nearly 3 weeks we had been separated. Saddest thing in the sailor story is we had found the lost sailor, but he is on another captain’s ship and unwilling to forgive yet leave me. Saying: “It was you who drop me off in the first place, why would I wanted to go back to a place where they don’t appreciate me at all? Safe your strength Capt. I owe you nothing. I am not your sailor now, you wanted me to be away from you, then so be it. I can do it.” I have foreseen that this will happen someday, but I may had little chance to convince him back, because we aren’t done yet, my duty is to bring him back to God. But first I have to be with God first. Please if you are reading this, I urge your understanding and forgiveness. Give me a chance so that I can be more closer to you once more. I hope we will lean down and watch the stars again at the basket ball field.