Moonlight Reflection

When you stare upon the moon you will see the light reflected from the sun. A lot of time people use moonlight reflection to metaphorize how they reflect their feelings and their memories from the past. This January has nearly come to its end, and there is a lot of accomplishment done and was put into hardwork with sweat and blood. The Jan Boom Project has coming to its end too. The next thing we will do is on top of a mountain, we will go Adeline resthouse which is located in the regions of Gopeng, Perak. I am seeking another success in it, for all these success has proven our faith in God grows and without God all this wouldn't have been done at all. So I thank God for all of these that has been so successful.

This whole January can consider the busiest month of all, I can't imagine that God's blessing is so amazing that when you invite Him into your presence that He will work through you through the Holy Spirit. But there is a little thing I have to admit here is that I am getting complacent, and I detected this complacency in me and this is a sure sign I need to do something with it. I already 3 days did not do my devotion and it stops, and I have been given myself enough excuse to rest and holiday for both body and spirit. I mean I am so idiot, "SPIRIT NEVER REST!" I have been giving me an excuse that spirit should rest, but I forgotten that my spirit is God's not mine, and I have been issuing command to myself again and left God astray. Though I am sure God is kind enough for me right now and had been given an ultimatum that I should change my course back on His track, or else He is going to be mad again. Lets end today with all the things in it, and begin a new day tommorow.

It is not good for me to play computer games, and I think I shouldn't play it even for once. God had told me not to entertain fleshly desires, but why am I such stubborness to put it in to a test? For this I am not testing my fleshly desires but also put God in the test. I apologize to you God, I really useless and folly to put you in the test, please guide me to grow stronger to become more like Christ so that I would sin against you. For all these days has past through I feel the growth in spirit in me and I had become more like my trueself again, working out of joy and having peace in mind. I have little distraction previously and I do serve very well, but not until recently I put myself into the test and I am a fool, now I have drop down into my very own deathtrap. I really certain that tomorrow will back to God again, I just need some time to adjust my mind back to it.

Well then here by I also weary about my assignments and studies, because recently I didn't touch any of my academic files and I hoping someone else in the assignment group plan what is our moves, because I had been too busy with the Jan Boom Project. Well I need you all to pray that I may attain wisdom on time managing and task management. I know there is still space for me to take charge in the assignment progress, piano classes, my revision work and also my personal relationship with God, but somehow I did not ultilize all the time I had. I hate to waste time, but one of my enemy is the sloth within that keep telling me that I do not have enough energy to proceed.

About my love life, nothing significant happens lately, maybe I finally get my love and belongingness need satisfied and esteem too, so I can say I am self-actualized because I start to give out the B-values that Maslow use to say. I am not boasting here but I am on my way to become more and more self-actualized. This is because the blessing of God, because every brothers and sisters pray for each other's growth and needs. God has satisfied our needs so that we can serve Him with all we got.

Um... its getting late, tomorrow had sunday service and I better sleep earlier.

"CARRY NOT THE PAST INTO THE PRESENT"

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

V - Connected

Finally the day has come for us to be connected to each other. All the freshmen and all their seniors has come togather as a great gathering tonight which I couldn't wait to see. Tonight we will make history, the history of each of our profiles recorded in the book of the living and the dead. For so long we have waited and prepared, and this is the day we do our best to touch the lives of others through Christ. I remember the last time when they are having this kind of activity while I still were a freshmen I did not join them, and I say it is what a waste that I did not go. But tonight it is a different story, I am one of the commitee to bring light into this event, and again we will make history out of it. And for tonight this is what happens...

Target reached but I don't know whether the objectives met? We all having real fun throughout whole night, and it seems everyone is enjoying it. Well I am first time an MCEE in an event, but I have to admit there is still a lot more space for me to improve. No doubt, I am happy with my performance tonight, "not bad for a first-timer". Well, there is much preparatory work back then, I am sure this time I might have fulfill some of these 5 P's concept "Proper planning prevents poor performance".

Since everyone is happy and I also have made this a compliment for myself. What a great success tonight and it could be a memoriable moment that all the seniors meeting up their juniors. Today I saw a lot more miracle happens, and this is the testimony to night. First, I and Miller were on a ride and rushing for diner, unfortunately the rain getting heavy and I was praying in silent at the back of the motor. I prayed: "Lord please, may there be no rain until everyone is securely shelter in "Shalome" (Ministry house's name)" But the rain is still getting heavy, and Miller say want to turn back but I believe God will stops the rain so I said to Miller straight ride to Hing Long to eat. What I saw was a perfect cut from above the clouds, the rain clouds was divided into half so in our town it wasn't raining at all. It has not been raining after that incident tonight.

Another miracle happens is the blessing of the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom on our sketch and also MCEE. Sometime it was not our own strenght to become such versatile PIC, but really all came so sudden into our unconcious mind and do our parts perfectly. This happens especially in the sketch. Angie has dificulty memorizing the script, but finally manage to use her own creativity to continue acting. Thanks be to God that he gave us a wonderful receptor and emitter in us, that is the power of our unconcious mind.

MAY THE JOY OF THE LORD BE WITH YOU

AS YOU SERVE HIM,

FOR GOD LOVES A CHEERFUL GIVER ^^

THANKS BE TO ALL OF YOU, WITHOUT YOUR EFFORT;

TONIGHT WILL NOT COME TRUE.

Light of the world

This month is a busy month, after the assignments are given by our lecturers and tutors. I and my team started off doing draft work for our assignments especially the report writting and its content. This year's CNY came is a wrong timing for all of us, we thought that we will have more free time to celebrate our annual chinese new year but it wasn't goes like that. Besides everyone is busying about other thing else this whole month and the next. I never thought that I can cope with stress and do on the responsibility that had given on me. All that sudden I become a class rept. for cognitive psychology tutorial group two and some assignment leader, and what is more important now is my responsibility to manage well in the incoming V-connect and V-camp that will be held this thursday and the next saturday and sunday. Good news is that the event we planned to carry out has nearly come to its end and the GSM and dedication is quite sucessful and I am looking forward to make the V-connect and V-camp to be successful too.

This is the first time I really put my full effort in a committee to make contribution. Though this is the first time, but already counted as successful, but there is some mistake people make can't avoid because of lack of experience on managing things. This recall the 5P's I learn last time (Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance), but sometimes things just din't comes into my mind when I plan how I manage my things well. But nevermind I couldn't believe I start to accept challenges and accept critics from people, I start to learn new things. This year is really a new begining for me, the gap between my trueself and ideal self is moving closer togather, and there is a lot more explaination now, but what I can summarize is that I started to serve with Joy, really God answer my prayers and the Holy Spirit is working in me.

The title today, the light of the world, really start to reflect what we do starts to shines, I really hope that all that we had done do it for the glory of God. I believes that what we do this whole month, fasted and prayed, and sacrifice out our personal time for God really make God smiles. Brothers and Sisters, let's continue to shine for the Lord our God.

"THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGHT!"

It is clear

There is much more things revealed in a shine of the light. The shadows in us uncovers, all the shame, fleshly desires, hidden truth, and the ugly truth is written all over our faces and bodies. There is much truth that we can't deny, but to accept the true nature as what we are created here for. What I am trying to say here is that everyone has their fleshly desires, which Abraham Maslow pioneered his hierarchy of needs. The needs for food, drink, fresh air, and suitable temperature in an environment. These are the physiological needs, and we are to have the desire to get it only to survive. Second level is the needs of safety, finding a shelter, bunker up ourselves from danger, and settle down in a peaceful environment. Without meeting up these needs, we are not going any futher to the next level of needs that is love and belongingness. Because of this need, I started a lot of thinking, do I really satisfied with this to get along towards self-actualization? Logically I did, I have lovely brothers and sisters in a church and a lot more friends outside in the campus, and lovely family that is increasingly intimate, most of all I have a loving Father who was and is in the heaven. Logically, I satisfy my needs in here, but there is still something missing.

Maybe I shouldn't use Maslow's theory on this one. Practically to explain these I should us the psychosexual theory by Frued. I am sometimes striving for sex and it is no good to me. All is in the wrong timing, wrong place and wrong motive. For some extend I will hate myself sometimes for not having self-control, but the Lord teaches us not to do self-condemnation. Am I sex seeking or love seeking? Lust and love they are not the same! And this is the truth. But one horrible truth is that man are created to be sexually active type, so I have to apologize here to all the girls, please tolerate the people who are doing something provoking these sex topic. I urge you sisters to understand the brothers that the inner nature somehow is like a monster, a sex machine, brothers suffers to control this behaviour so that the sisters are not stumble by the brothers. Please I urge you all to understand our situation.

I made an inference that women are created to control man's sexual behaviour, and man are made to give woman security and protection in a family. Or in other words, woman are more like woman when they know more about man, and man become more like man when they know more about women. I am not saying all these in sexual activity context, but it was about the sexual energy between gender. If you still can't get my concept you can refer to the old chinese teaching of ying and yang. The passive and active energy of life. Without sex human can't reproduce, without love human won't live.

Much confusion the devil has twisted into our mind, I am disappointed to see my dirtiness as so common among the people around my age. While I am doing my dedication on fund raising to sell cookies all around the hostles, what I find out is the responses that most of the students give. The first expression they give is that they talk about their BGR (Boy Girl Relationship) status, what cames across their minds are to give the gift to their boy or girlfriend. What about other friends that are around? What about the lecturer and tutors that you all appreciated about? Where are they in your mind? I was deeply pierce into my heart that I also do has the same mentality as they. I grieved in sorrow while I read about 1 corinthians chapter 7, that the truth is we are not necessary to get marry. Among my culture, marraige is one of the biggest event in each human lives ，“终生大事”. Once I despair towards my mother that I don't wanted to get marry, and wouldn't put an eye on a girl. Sometimes I hated girls for they are such seducing naturally, and I hated that I lost my mind into dirtiness. Why am I such a weakling that guard so lose of my own mind?

I am sick recently, maybe because I am sick, my body is weak, and so do my mind. I think the devil is start to plot attack against me again while I am in this desperate moment. I was tempted all the while to satisfy me fleshly desires for sex, computer games, slothing all the way, glutony, and folly act. I am not trying to be a perfectionist here, I was just to put myself living on the tension of maturity.(Warren, 2002) These are for some explaination why we are fasting, I do not know truely what is the meaning of fasting, but one thing I know is that fasting is to give away our rights, give away (not give up) our fleshly desires and feeds on the word of God which is our spiritual food. Man doesn't live on bread alone, they need love and all other physiological needs. See through it, I am sure I am transforming into something I couldn't imagine, but I am sure I am a bit more learning to be like Christ. Pray for my sickness and my spiritual growth. May all the Love, Joy and the peace of the Lord be with you all always. Amen.

Restless Day and Nights

Today is the fourth day I counted that I am under stress. For what reason I stressed? I still do not know, what I know is the stress starts when the school starts. Maybe I was worried about the assignments given and all the responsibility that I need to carry out throughout these January intake events. I use to say that I am a person that can't take big responsibility and large sum of responsibility. I can't make a firm decision because whenever I make a decision, I feared the comment from other person and somehow being criticized. All in all, I am still gutless. "胆小鬼" I am a victim of fear, couldn't handle much challenges. Most of the time I will only make a fake smile infront of people but feel uneasy behind the scene, I often forgotten the reason of being happy and joyful is. Yesterday's blog was a big encouragement talk and gives motivation to whom that has read it. All these if do not have an authentic acceptance and faith, it could mean nothing to all of us.

I am much troubled when I saw Vri had struggled over some matters, I may have irrational perception on what she is facing but I am sure that she is struggling over these matters, e.g. Conflicting friendship, responsibility as a student and also responsibility as member in a church. All lot of time people thinks word of encouragement alone can help to ease the pain, but it is wrong, the word of encouragement is effective when the encourager truely understand how the receiver feels. I saw Miller also struggling over some matters too, and also I see the same eyes in Vivian, Joyce, Bee Ling, and most of all Joshua. Everyone has their own struggle, wrestle with the mind, and the enemy of the spirit. What more can I do? What I have learn is not to put other person's worry unto ourselves that we suffers unnecessary pain that is in extra load. We have enough worries on our own each and everyday. Am I a fool that think that I can make others happy when I am not happy? For there is a saying "When I am truely happy only that can I make others happy" or should I interpret it in a different context? That is "When I truely love myself; the love itself will reflect on others." What girls are so sensitive about is the trueself within each person, that is why girls likely to be attracted to those whom really mature and authentic. They see confidence not the result, they see the hardwork behind the scene not the output, they see the amount of love put in not the aggression for success. This is why I thanked God that He created women to be a helper for men to live more maturely. My mind is filling up again, I shall put this mind into rest, but what I hope is that we all really put in our confidence, our perseverance and love in whatever we do, we do it for the glory of God. As for me came a friendly advise, that is to pray always to the Lord, cry out that may the love, joy and peace be with us forever, so that we can fulfill this undying wish to make people happy, because when we are truely joyous it will reflect onto others. Amen.

Notes: Vri, when you are reading this I also want you to open up your bible to 1 Corinthians 12 - 14, these two chapters may give you guidance on your question about the Spiritual giftings and about tongue. Thanks.^^

Welcome to Hell

I hear the song of war in my head, the clashing metals in the barracks, defenders preparing the catapults and the archers at the volley. Shieldmens in the front lines and horsemen and spearmen garrison in their formation. As thousands of enemy march in one voice moving nearer and nearer to our stronghold, they stoped and the emissary shout for peace on these land and proclaimed sharing the soil and water togather in peace. Without hesitation we all know what they came for, without mercy we slay the foe, and this rages the war.

Ok, story time over, that is how my life is like right now. Figthing a spiritual warfare, mentality warfare and this will never end. My friends, take courage as though the Lord seems to far from you, but He is with you. As you acknowledge that the Joy of the Lord is my strength, you are a victor because of Christ Jesus. You have no authority to drive out temptation you will face, but in faith we prayed to the Lord that he will strengthens our spirit and deliver us out of it. God's grace is sufficient, He will not allow us to endure what we can't endure or suffers what we can't suffer, because of His mighty love grant mercy on us, so that we are secure in Him. This is what makes people build up a slogan that nothing is impossible. My friends, as you are reading all this, I wanted to encourage you to seek the Lord always, I know you are serving the Lord with all your strength, your mind, your soul, and with all your spirit, yet you feel tired and stumbled by the problem faced. Take heart my friends, for God will never let his servant fight the war alone.

My friends, I know that all of us now struggling for more free time on our own, because we feel tired after straining to serve the Lord right after we came back from school. The spirit is willing but the body is weak. As I myself also has this struggle in me, so I am joyful that I will endure with you, my friends, so that we may uphold each another in our daily prayers. The assignments from school, the revision work, homeworks, the relationship network with the people outside and other friends that are conflicting, and the time spend in business to serve the project that we committed to do for the sake of our Lord and etc. is all what we going to endure. I am sure that the Lord our God will surely look after us when we are weak, that is why we need to seek Him. As the scripture teaches:

" Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for rightousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when other revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." - the beatitudes (Matt. 5: 3-12, ESV)

I hope everyone who are mourning and suffer from stress and conflicts, after reading this may the spirit of God refreshes you and may the love, peace and joy of the Lord continue to be with you always. Amen!

The Hand of God

It was a wonderful week that has been gone through, the week of GSM, Good Samaritan work. The next coming up event is today, that we will start our dedication to search deep in to the hostle of every freshmen in UTAR, Kampar. I feel joyous, whenever I see these people are blessed by God, and I am happy, because I stand on the other side that is serving and see that the other people that I serve is happy because we gave. Unfortunately until today although I am serving with what I can do, but still having a problem with concentrating on it, first is my relationship and second is my study. I read 1 Corinthians 7 today, and my heart was troubled, because Paul said it is not necessary that everyone to get married, because when we are single we can put full effort and give full attention on pleasing God. Supposedly when I am serving, I do have concentration, but not until yesterday when I came back from school, Miller called me over to have a session for foundation of faith. He talk about prayer, and challenged me something, though I know what is the stucture for prayer but I feel wierd to follow roboticly, so we concluded the most important part is to pray with faith, not the structure. He challenge me about the defination of what is a mature means. Supposedly I know the anwser by saying: "We make a living with what we get; we make a life with what we give!" It is to give, knowing how to give and care for others, that is maturity. Am I mature? I don't have the confident to say I am. Am I ready to serve? Though I am serving in a little part, but I didn't expect for more responsibility, and I say I am not ready.

I am reluctant to talk about my relationship with Vri right now, because I start to get frustrated that God doesn't intend us to be togather, for Joshua and Bee Kim had waited and fasted 40 days and prayed 3 years only gets the confirmation. Then? What am I right now? The more when I walked closer to God and the more I walk closer to Vri, once again I lost my confident, because I am tempted again, for I found out that Vri has certain level of interest in me, and we are getting more and more intimate in our friendship. The further we go, the more temptation arise, why? This morning when I wake up the first thing come to my mind is "I love her, but I also love God, I need to put God higher than her." I think I need to discuss this matter with Joshua and other elders, so that I may not stumble, Miller once advise me to saparate me from Vri so that I totally cut off from all the temptation which devil used her to against me. I couldn't done that, because I still want to build a friendship with her. If God never intend us to be togather, then I am a fool to put my hope in her, and this is immaturity. I learn one thing from the word earnest, that this word is build from eagerness and honesty, so I prayed with eagerness this morning about our relationnship and honest about my feelings to God, oh! I am totally trasparent! Life is indeed difficult.

But I shall have myself back right now, there is a lot more things I need to do out of Joy, with peace in mind and Love each another with brotherly affection. Later I am going into campus, so I shall not bring along this emotion there. What left here is the understanding of what had I felt this morning and later I might need to talk to her about this.

"FEAR NOT FOR I HAVE MADE GOD MY CONFIDENCE"