Headache, mental-ache

Sorry today no picture...

Damn headache recently, I already get confused has my brain pained or my mind? Is it both pain in the same time? Why am I so frustrated? Am I over burden with all kinds of responsibility and get myself hay wired? What is the symptom that I am overloaded? When is my drawback line? Should I let everyone else to lead the assignment? Because now I feel it was like I am managing all the assignment that I had in hand. Please la, I know everyone is busy of something, but I juga nak masa lapang untuk rehat ma... macam tak de ruang je nak tidur pun macan tak cukup... tidur satu hari 7 jam tak cukup ke? Kenapa kepala saya masih sakit? Hari ini saya sudah pun sihat banyak deh, tapi kat malam kot orang bagi saya masalah saje... Kenapa selalu benda yang tak baik berlaku berterusan? Bilakah saya boleh rehat secukup-cukupnya? Dah lah, tak mau sebut tentang itu lagi la, eh kenapa cakap Melayu pulak =.=

When I sick ya please don't burden me, because I already had a burden on my own, headache is a symptom for me to draw back a little, I should give them in charge, and what is the reason I take these responsibilities up? Is it I can't wait? or feel that everyone else is slow to action? My mind is obssessed by assignments and other unecessary attention, first is the obsession of Pengajian Malaysia assignment and the second I headache about is the Developmental trends in Malaysia, all the policies thing provoke me to think on something I repressed in my subconscious long time ago. I started to raise question, why Malaysian citizens have to be so skepticism about all the bad things happened in the country, why all of us have to be so single sided and bais? Why all of us wanted to blind ourselves to all the destructive things in Malaysia rather than to spend the energy to think of how to make a better world tomorrow? You said the policies of Government doesn't work out, it is bais in this and that and racism everywhere, you said Bangsa Satu Malaysia doesn't exist, you said there is corruption, but have you think how to overcome all these issues? If you are the politician today what changes do you want to make? What is the thing that you want to build and dispute? Have you ever think of to encouraging the bumis by internal motivation rather than external motivation? E.g. higher pay, more priviledge and other benefits, these are all external motivation... but what is the motive of giving them such "keistimewaan" have you all forgotten? All people who study Pengajian Malaysia, studied in envy, intolerance, and subjective, the government is trying to make it  clear to all the student about what is going on with their plannings, have you ever try to cooperate with it? If not then I hope there is a better reason on how to make it a better planning.

I somewhat often I have dream of politicians and country crisis, this is sure that in my unconscious I concern about what happen in the country, is just that I repressed it into my unconscious so I do not headache over these darkness among politicians and citizens. I don't know, but I am sure this time the assignment I am going to shoot everything out that has been troubling me since long ago, and try to solve it in a harmony manner. I try to study the purpose and truth within the government and its values and see what can I do about it. What I try doesn't promise a change in anything, but I just want to learn more and see what truth can I reveal to all people to understand more. If I am passionate enough, the riot since 13 May 1969, I can make one movie out of it to make the nation to realise the violence of misunderstanding and without love. Ah! Where is the context of love within a country? Do everyone knows what is the true meaning of love? You fools! I bet you all don't understand, I pray that one day you all will foolishly awaken by God and make this country a revived country.

I am no body to say anything right now, but when the time come, if it is meant to be my time, then I will shed my patriot's blood on this land. No love, you have no commitment. No love, you have no direction, you are blind. No love, you have no hope and trust. No love, you would not understand. No love, you would not endure for it. No love, you will not die for it. Mana cinta kepada negara anda? Has you all fools think that love is simply lust? Have you fools think that love can blind you? Is love for you is just applied in sex not for relationship? What is love to you then? Have you ever treat others as you treat yourself? Now I have transcent my knowledge of love in a more higher level, but have you? Love without action is no love! Our today's situation is just vulnerable as the time of kesultanan Melaka, where Sultan Mahmud take over Sultan Manshoor's place!

I met a couple of police today caught my friend for riding motocycle without helmet, and they did not corrupt but give saman straight to him, and this has started my fire that there is still obedient servants in this world. Obedient because they believe they put their hope as an example to the people around them, and obedient because they still love their country and do what is must to maintain the balance of justice and peace. I hope that God will one day revive Malaysia and make this country a better country for the future generation sake. Things has been hidden from us nearly 10 decades, shall we review it and see through it with love but not out of tolerance? Should we better love one another than to foolishly blind ourselves and live a non-authentic life? Should we play with invisible parang or should we better not to play any kind of parang at all?

I think too much for these few days, please forgive me if I have been to harsh in my usage of language, but this is the way how I express myself. I am sick, having cough and soar throat and headache, please do not let me suffer because of the folly mindset that we all have, I am tired, I am not a man that can withstand large responsibilities. Please forgive me.

In love and frustration
-ThomasLifeScript-