Your hurt I felt it too

A relationship doesn't cure your loneliness, if you are seeking for a date to cure that you are digging two graves. Temptation not always clear that it is temptation, and because of this it gives reason for us to fall in it. Its a large mine field out there and we are crossing it, hang on dear life I told myself. If I fall short of string, I will tie a knot before it runs out. Same goes to relationship, it goes two ways, you and the other you are having relationship with. Friends, dates and whatever. Those loneliness is a feeling that we are depriving for the care of others and sense of belongingness, they wanted to be loved. Therefore a lot of young people like you and I were searching for this cure of loneliness by making up dating relationships. Again they were digging themselves graves. Loneliness will not be cure, because it is a source of motivation to drive us to search for fellowship with other people, the healthy "mitwelt" that Rollo May spoke off (The relationship with others). Loneliness' impulse can be diluted while enjoying companionship with others such as friends and family. It was because the world is lacking of love, people like you and I being deceived that love only can be found in a BGR. It is a big illusion. Not until you rise up and take a look on top above the sky to your condition now, you are actually walking into your death traps. Its hurt and painful at first, but it didn't kill you. So there were a saying, if it didn't kills me it makes me stronger.

Youngster in BBMC, was way too far that they know God personally. I saw a great gap between me and them, I admit I did grow up, and with full of expectation that once they were better than me should be more mature then me spiritually. It wasn't what I expected, they are too surface... the fellowship, the relationship with God is not there... its isn't there. Sadly I had to confront this to the advisor and she (Vanessa) tell me to keep them in prayer so that they will grow up. I tell to God it wasn't my responsibility to rise them, and it is impossible for to do so, but still I felt for God that these people carries a life testimony of their experiences with God and they are the one who had great plans from God that they will be use by him. My friend told me that I have a shepherd heart, and I think I should preserve this mentality that captures God's heartbeat, and know his will to become better and more mature.

Next I saw there is a great long path in front of me, the path is full of danger, is full of traps and golds, silvers and jewelries, and yet there are blood stained everywhere. I saw a light in the end of the path but it was dark along the way. I asked how long can I reach the light? God says you need to run through the path I have shown you and let the light be your guide like a direction of where you goes. For that I am sure God is leading me to the right direction, the path wouldn't be easy to maneuver, but the pain caused by the difficulties makes me learning and it gives meaning to live and the undeniable truth of living as a process of making oneself better and better, one which is sin lesser and more holy and perfect. Christ has given us the image.