Though it was a motivation for me to study but the more I study the more temptation come telling me that it was silly and tiring when study. Tempted to sleep, tempted to play computer games. How would I rest my mind with such indulgence? If you had to know what is going on truely behind the scene of this blog, I the writer had numerous struggle within the mind. Why would I be such weakling to withstand the plague of the devil's tricks? Isn't the answer that I am weak because God wanted me to submit to his authorities so that I might get His blessing so I am strong in Him?
After struggling whole day yesterday, the voice in my head, the rush of anger for no reason, we do not know what might cause the sudden erruption of my emotion and maybe the unfinished business 15 years ago. I always know that somehow things from the past still emerging to interupt my life right now, the subconscious are unforgiving. Last time I was able to control my emotion by bring love and indulgence to the inner-self (little Thomas) which I recently totally detached from his attentions. Anyhow, he is I and I am him, so what is wrong? I did not suffer schizophrenia or any other psychopathological illness. Has my act of love not enough so that I had become neurotic? Then I ask myself what is the need in me unfulfilled? The answer is someone's quality time that it is impossible to get what is expected from her, so that is why I always try to spend time with her to get this desire fulfill. After the BGR seminar I was convienced that I shouldn't propose her to get into courtship yet and I am struggling all my way back to partnership level which are more tolerable. Does this need satisfied now? It should be, and I think it also will cause distorted relationship building too because I was sometimes errputed emotionally.
However I should teach little Thomas on how to focus on the right thing... See, 3 more days Midterm test for personality and cognitive psychology is up. I should have use these days fully on studying and concentrate fully of learning everything possible to face that examination. See through it, because as long as I assume my love and belongingness needs are fulfill by my brothers and sisters and from God that I can pursue on to the next level of motivation that is the need of esteem. Esteem of getting high grades in my class that I may glorify God with the grades that He blesses me. For sure I will give thanks for that for I started to practice thanking God always. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
To answer my sheperd's question: "What is your responsibility?" I will answer: "My responsibility is to live a life that shout God's fame, one whom bring God's glory, one whom make Him smile, one whom remained obedient and submissive to Him, one whom reflect His love to His people and one whom live according what God purposed me to live."
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
0 Scrolls:
Post a Comment