The time has come...

"If your weapon can become your enemy's weapon the opposite is also true." - The Law of battle. Anyhow all these philosophies are only human interpretation of their observations. It is also true in our eyes and logical thinking. However I see how the devil rise up in this place and I felt his anger towards our actions. Anger turn your enemy into his wrath and rages upon you, in our eyes and senses, the enemy had grown drastically stronger.

Within these few days I observed a lot of things happened in our church. It is something common to all of us and yet we treated it as unthreatening, more like “it was the way it is” thinking. I was amazed that even our leader Bee Kim herself was unable to sense the seriousness of the condition that every member in Hope Kampar were in. I wish I could be more sensitive to the changes in our church. Therefore I can observe and take precaution. After so many events has been successfully done in the past and the biggest trap we could face was complacency and the next is losing focus of what we are doing. The condition I spoke off is similar to what Miller has observed ever since he steps into this church. The disillusioned unity of our church, we thought we’d won but it was going in the opposite direction. We thought V-camp can build us all up, but it was half true. We unify then later builds up the barriers again; we are working as one body of Christ wasn’t it? Why I didn’t see it? As things gone worse such as communication broke down, misunderstanding, conflicts, all of these little things that is so abstract that most of us are unable to detect the destructive factor it could bring. In short I believe we God didn’t leave us like that, all these destructive forces builds up because the church maturity is still unstable, sometime it was hot and sometime it was cold, now has become cooler because of what? As I observe prayers are getting lesser and even fewer people could become an intercessor. Last Thursday was a great day because God is with us and empowering us, even there are a lot of mistakes but the outcome is greater than we thought. The second welcoming Life Group which is on Tuesday was a big shock for me and some of my friend, I was also unaware of the situation but as Vri told me what she sees I was able to see the seriousness of prayer lacking condition. Tuesday left only a few people intercede for the whole event and the next is the people’s respond to us in a cold manner. These new friends left and where are our brothers and sisters that supposed to maintain contact with them? More hurting is the conversion of Stephie that after service she gone home alone with her friend walking. We are not going to build disciples like this. We are worst and always watching each other who risk a chance to become a sheep killer is futile, because we all had become one. We become something that we swore to destroy. What is building discipleship? Do you not know how important this is? After viewing those videos and experiencing the mission Sunday we had last Sunday, what changes has been made?



The devil is surely unhappy about us, but we should not let him win because Jesus has victory over him already why not we take refuge in Jesus? Why can’t we let God take over us and build us up with love because in the bible said: “You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way (Ephesians 4:3). Most of all, let love guide your life, for then the whole church will stay together in perfect harmony (Colossians 3:14). We can’t stay as we were right now, soon we will be destroy even before the devil use his ultimate weapon to destroy us, that we first already destroying ourselves. Not to mention here there is a lot more “Other Forces” out there that most of us didn’t aware of is their movements. They are strong and they shouldn’t be working together because their beliefs and values are different. However the fearsome goals of theirs were to eliminate us, no matter how different it is they are to each other they have a common goal. It is getting interesting, our church started to become stagnant towards growth and the other forces are getting united and became stronger. I would pray for God’s mercy on his people that we will stand up for Jesus.

June Fresh Air

Recently some of us getting sick and cold, what a sudden change of weather can done to us... Thank God I still remained healthy. What I worried most is the accapella team that they everyday had to practice from 9pm - 11pm these three days before the real things up and even worse because they are having school from 8am - 6pm. Tomorrow is the real day for performance, it is for welcoming the freshmen that newly came to this town of Kampar. I really hope that this welcoming CGs can hit our goal of making them friends and help them in campus adjustment lives. Ultimately I am hoping that they come to know God too thought meeting up with us. This is how we sow the seed to this town. I do have the desire to see more people is added in to the kingdom of God each an everyday.

Tonight we are going to practice again, and Joshua and some CG members will be here to listen and give comment to us, I hope we can be perfect tonight, tomorrow and next Tuesday. We have to take good care of our health, our voices and our mind. I really felt it for Rushin that she has tried her best to sing the part which she fear the most, I wanted to encourage her and in the same time I admire her eagerness to pursue on improving what she is weak at. She is one talented singer and especially singing jazz styles, everyone loves her. On the other hand she is still a pre-believer, I hope she understand her commitment that she put to help us out in the accapella. I deeply thanked that she willing to help us through.

Its tiring I believe, I and Jessica and all others PICs must have prepared all they can to make this welcoming CG become a fun and exciting event to make friends with freshmen. This makes us see more clearly what does it means to love your God with all your heart,  all your soul, with all your mind , with all your strength. (Mark 12:28-30) Joshua and Bee Kim advised me that we should save more strength for talent night and anniversary, that is why the welcoming event is ran by care group and not by the church. However we are really committed to make as light as possible for the welcoming CG, in low cost yet high value. The wisdom God gave us to manage all this represent how we love our God with all our mind and the commitment is our heart. With refreshing joy and love we enjoyed in fellowship while practicing we are loving God  with all our souls. The physical strength that we use even though is tired after coming back from classes, we still hang on and practice at the night, we really love God with all our strength we can give. Thank God for supplying us so that we can do this for Him.

This is just a beginning though, it will be a lot more busy for other programs that are coming up, we really need to take care of our health and manage well our time for studies. This is how we are growing up in the faith, the spirit and the mind. As Jesus has set the example "and Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." (Luke 2:52). The growth in spiritual maturity, intellectual maturity, physical maturity, social-emotional maturity.

Let's shine for Christ. ^_^ though we are tired, we can do it!

The enemy of my enemy is my friend

Have you ever heard a word saying the enemy of my enemy is my friend? And have you ever heard another saying "Your closest friend is your worst enemy." My dear Thomas, what a nightmare you dreamed last time emerge again, just like the tooth fairy in bed time story that haunted your soul until you are already a grown up? The fear strucks and my skin freeze, not a muscle in my limb moves. I was stunted. The ghost from the past is still haunting me now. My most fearful enemy is myself, the ghost I've always fear to solve its riddle has come back to urge me give answer to it. The fear of being watch and critique. The fear of not doing it right then next sounds of laughter and the tongue of malice disgust me. The fear stops me from getting what I need. I needed growth, I needed to learn how to cope with my leadership skill problem. I needed to learn how to manage people and task well. In the process I needed a monitor, a watchman to coach me but I fear being watch. Still why am I so hang up onto my own perfectionism?

A surface relationship doesn't hurt you much as they don't mean so much to you. The most hurt is when it is afflicted in a deeper relationship. As I always feared that when I associate other people I feared leading them. I always or rather being led type, though I am full of thoughts and observant but not as observant as when I leading something. Why does these 2 things doesn't come together? Be very observant while leading. If led some organization that the people I not really know them, when it fails it hurts but very little and the organization disperse. No further relationship build. But not this time, I am leading my own kin. The people whom I call them family, and not just any family but the family of Christ. There is no room for me to fear now, no space for resentment, no turn around but going forward. Because I know God is giving this opportunity for me to learn how face the haunting ghost in me. The riddle couldn't be easy to solve but it can be solve, it takes experiences and time to learn it and acquire it.

Indeed fear is my enemy and become avoidance to face problem also is my enemy, but fear is the enemy of my enemy then fear is my friend. It is signal for me turn on the brain towards growth. Thanks for that creation.

Your hurt I felt it too

A relationship doesn't cure your loneliness, if you are seeking for a date to cure that you are digging two graves. Temptation not always clear that it is temptation, and because of this it gives reason for us to fall in it. Its a large mine field out there and we are crossing it, hang on dear life I told myself. If I fall short of string, I will tie a knot before it runs out. Same goes to relationship, it goes two ways, you and the other you are having relationship with. Friends, dates and whatever. Those loneliness is a feeling that we are depriving for the care of others and sense of belongingness, they wanted to be loved. Therefore a lot of young people like you and I were searching for this cure of loneliness by making up dating relationships. Again they were digging themselves graves. Loneliness will not be cure, because it is a source of motivation to drive us to search for fellowship with other people, the healthy "mitwelt" that Rollo May spoke off (The relationship with others). Loneliness' impulse can be diluted while enjoying companionship with others such as friends and family. It was because the world is lacking of love, people like you and I being deceived that love only can be found in a BGR. It is a big illusion. Not until you rise up and take a look on top above the sky to your condition now, you are actually walking into your death traps. Its hurt and painful at first, but it didn't kill you. So there were a saying, if it didn't kills me it makes me stronger.

Youngster in BBMC, was way too far that they know God personally. I saw a great gap between me and them, I admit I did grow up, and with full of expectation that once they were better than me should be more mature then me spiritually. It wasn't what I expected, they are too surface... the fellowship, the relationship with God is not there... its isn't there. Sadly I had to confront this to the advisor and she (Vanessa) tell me to keep them in prayer so that they will grow up. I tell to God it wasn't my responsibility to rise them, and it is impossible for to do so, but still I felt for God that these people carries a life testimony of their experiences with God and they are the one who had great plans from God that they will be use by him. My friend told me that I have a shepherd heart, and I think I should preserve this mentality that captures God's heartbeat, and know his will to become better and more mature.

Next I saw there is a great long path in front of me, the path is full of danger, is full of traps and golds, silvers and jewelries, and yet there are blood stained everywhere. I saw a light in the end of the path but it was dark along the way. I asked how long can I reach the light? God says you need to run through the path I have shown you and let the light be your guide like a direction of where you goes. For that I am sure God is leading me to the right direction, the path wouldn't be easy to maneuver, but the pain caused by the difficulties makes me learning and it gives meaning to live and the undeniable truth of living as a process of making oneself better and better, one which is sin lesser and more holy and perfect. Christ has given us the image.

Boundaries in Dating

I am not going to write a full review of this book, but I am going to tell how useful it is as for Christian's dating life.

The sudden rushing up passion to know more about boy-girl-relationship (BGR) was started when I heard Pastor Earnest Tan, currently shepherding Bayan Baru Methodist Church (BBMC) introduce the congregation a book: "Kiss dating goodbye" well it inspire me to really desire to know more about dating life which also carries God along and imputing biblical values in it.

The another factor rush me in high was there are a lot more brothers and sisters in my current church are getting into BGR and I am one among them but I know my stand. Therefore I seek the Lord see what He's going to do with this. We had been warn and knowing that if we start any BGR now will risk the ability to serve the Lord and studies too. Indeed dating itself is a risk!

I have finished up to chapter 7, five days after I bought the book. I gain a lot of insight from it and it makes me think a lot of aspect that I probably missed when I examine myself. Still it flash back to the idea that before you can really love someone else you begin to love yourself first. Love itself reflects its aroma to the surrounding, a loving person is naturally attractive. However I am reinforced by this book that a strong friendship is needed before going into something more such as dating and marriage. Another thing I am reassure is that ourselves is the core of making the relationship last and blooming, we should examine ourselves the values we had, attitude, behaviour, levels of EQ, unfinished business from the past, your relationship with yourself and etc. Another insight had made me firm about what infatuation and love is and their differences. I can't manage to tell all what is in my mind now because it is too much to write here, so I can just explain it in specific context. I hope with this knowledge I can really help out all my brothers and sisters including me about BGR. I really desire to have this wisdom and I wanted to be a teacher as you all know I am becoming a member of Hope Kampar. BGR is my main topic and appears that I had been into a lot of knowledge in it but the not personal experience because I don't even have a dating relationship before.

What important is that we all should bring God along in the date if you were dating.

I am excited and wanted to have a word with Bee Kim when we meet. Its going to be great, and to my love insterest, the is a message to you...: "I am preparing to become a better man and for now I am sure that we best rooting ourselves in love and build it up in a matter of friendship that without romanticizing it and not in a fantasy but in reality."

Today's question:
- Do I really understand what is friendship?
- How do I know I am in a right direction in this relationship?

Quick to listen and slow to talk

I had always been a reserved person and keep my cool. As well you all know I am emotional because it's all store up in me. My style is to listen and find out carefully about things before I even move a finger and my hand. When I talk means it's something I think it's important to ponder at. Sometime my words sounds silly and others couldn't understand, even some myself can't fully understand what I am trying to say, it's in my head how I interpret it into human language?

"Don't jump to conclusion!" my dad yells at me last time and this teaching I remember it till today. I had a long time lesson to learn it. Therefore I choose to listen rather than speaking out more. I believe things work as it is carried out a practical work else just talking is left. I have lesser faith in talking, only actions speaks louder than words.

"Do you love serving the Lord?" My mom asked in all the sudden. I say: "Yes, I do, why are you asking that?" Then she post me another question: "Your friend (Vri)... um... did she loves serving the Lord as much as you?" Then I explained: "You mean Vri? Oh... Sure there is a difference between the spiritual level. So it is not important to know about how much she loves to serve the Lord as much as I. Everyone different mom. I am sure we will facilitate each other's spiritual growth and take ownership alone with God. Because our ultimate goal is still maturing to become more Christlike." Then she said: "Your father talk to me as if you already had a girlfriend so I am checking on you, how you see it."

Recently my father become another person that I don't even really know him at all. Is it this changes cause by his retirement? Because he had jumped to conclusion where I already have a girlfriend but actually I have none. I don't even have one dating relationship at all till now, though I am desiring for it, but none has succeed. All to me my father is like an intimate stranger. I wouldn't say it was a tragic consequences of that he has been a authoritarian parent and very judgemental and volcanic temper. He is now a slept volcano, and when he got serious the fear from the past arises that still haunts my heart. If I figure this out earlier than this, I would have over come it. All we need is just a talk, a man to man talk. There is a lot more things he knows that I don't and things I do he don't, despite all these differences I see uniqueness that we have a lot of thing in common because I really see that the importance of learning from each other.

Its getting in a hurry to grow up more mature... Lets pick up the works and get it done. Now matter how people thinks as long as I know it pleases God and it is blibical and it is right I will do it. It doesn't makes me a holy person if I do so, I just sin less, that is what I wanted to point out.

17 May 2010

OOOOOOOOOOO..... Why you wake me up during my hybernating season haiz... but lots to see lots to do... I know I know, I should wake up from that cooling bed, in fact is not that cool either because the air is so hot! I get sweat when I sleep, sounds... HOT HOT and HOT!

By the way I'm not use to write my blog in this matter... I think I just got a little too outta my mind. Anyway I just wanna to update you guys what had happened for the last week while I am at so call hybernation period. First when I came back to Penang the first though was to revise all those theories of personality before going in year 2, but it wasn't goes like what it sounds. Well I kicked up with my old pal Simon who currently studying in UTHM, Batu Pahat, Johor... Haiz I never knew he could ended up like this... I mean not his studies, still scoring 3.7~3.9 GPA every semester. He start smoking and broken off so many relationships. Most of all he forsaken God! He left and never go back to any church and he told me he tried even Catholics churchs, and Gospel hall and he say its never help. So suggest that he can find the kind of love and belongingness in Hope Batu Pahat. So I called up Hei Ling to get him. The next I prayed everyday for him in my devotion, because I believe prayer is AWSOME! and powerful because God is able and never dissapoint me. So I made a prayer that he will soon be change by God and I wanted to see him changing and that become a living witness for everyone to see our Almighty God is at work! I wanted to use his story to be a living example of how God change a smoking person and mature in relationship building. These is because I see him as God has wonderful plan for him, because if he were abbandon by God how still be well blessed studies and intelligence? I mean see his result already know...

Next is my mother's mother's day! She prayed that I will come back from Kampar ASAP that after my exam I will just come back and that is the largest Mother's day gift from God she said. Then miraculously that I called up to her that I am coming home at 9may straight after her prayer! OMG is so great! I love to see his will to be done, I hope to see his plan carried in me proceed to success. I want to see his plans success! How wonderful it is.

Next ---> Last sunday I attend morning service, Ps. Earnest shared a message Facing the Gaints: Hurt. It is very useful and I still remember clear what he says right now. Next is that he introduce a book name: "Kiss dating Goodbye" A good book, writen under christian context. This book is a pre-requisite knowledge before pursuing a relationship. But I dint manage to get one because it is lend from the library, so I thought I can get one from the book store. So I travel down Pulau tikus to one stop and bought one, but different writer different book but same context. "Boundaries in dating" I wish to learn more about it so I can share things about that and ascend my knowledge on how to respond to these kind of situation. Ohh.... I actually in love with someone, but I know is not the time so not right or wrong to supress those feeling but ultimately I need to know that we can just be friends now. Thank God for this insight.

Update you guys later. I am trying to make this blog become a testimony blog. Hoping God bless this page and many are encouraged with the stories.