It was a long time I hadn't visited what was behind the crust of my skulls. Today I just wanted share with everyone here who are still following my boring slow updating blogs on the topic about thinking. I am good at critical thinking, wasn't it? The answer is: "I don't really care" What matters most is how the thinking really make oneself survive for a true living purpose.
It seems that I had lost my ability to see things like I do previously. Is it good or bad? When was it? That I have fully give in to a new style of being laid back and give a surprise attack just like what Captain Kyoraku did in the bleach story. But I see good things in what I did right now, not showing how much capability of myself to others just to gain advantage to help other people. In the same time protecting myself of giving in too much and others can’t complaint of what I can do and what I can’t. Looks like this is a very good skill too of being laid back and concealing the true power I posses. No one can predict what I am capable of is on a good hand however, what truly did not utilize was my skill on becoming pragmatic enough. I saw my comrade recovering from exhausted overuse of her ability on to many things and blinded by her busyness. I couldn’t lose even one second of my gaze on my enemy’s stance, but my eyes had deceived me. I thought I had been wise, but how foolish is one who thinks he is wiser.
The longer I walked on the Journey with Jesus, the more flaw I found myself out! The more weakness and painful things which I had tried to escape as though I had already overcome it. The real things are, it has never came back of what I had defeated because of Jesus, what came back from within the brain the unconscious part of me is the part which has not solved and has not fully solved. I realise the weakness of being a human, after all I don't recognize my own boasting, my sins and my pride. My vision blurred as well as the heart of discerning between what is righteous and what is wicked. As I travelled into deeply within my mind I found out that I wasn't with Christ anymore although I live like a Christian. I think the part I conceal had also make a fake faith in front of people. As I think it through this is real hypocrites. The mark of the beast 666 could be just a symbol, forehead symbolized our thoughts and hands symbolized work. If hadn't realize what I was thinking and doing, I could be fooled by the devil. Be strong is to had a tremendous understanding of God's word, nothing else. All effort to defense and protect oneself is all a sin, you know why? Because as we protect ourselves we are still in charge of our own salvation and transformation in Christ, not God who work in us. As we rule out God in just a second in our lives, we sinned.
The thoughts I had also is useless unless it has the truth in it and had a foundation. Lest the thought would become a trap for ourselves. Enbracing the values we could slot it in to our identity that sum us up. When came to introduction everyone will tell at least a little about who they really are and that is the value they found to fit themselves most. The identity may not be the real identity at all. This is true when I really thought being laid back is a good thing, but it was still a comfort zone where I can withdraw quickly when things goes wrong. Not a chance of facing the goliath like David had faced. My protection is build up by laid back attitudes, a mask that deceives others about who I am. Why was it so hard to tell people I was in a mess because having no identity at all? Or shall I put it this way? The true identity only can be found in Christ alone because He created us and know us more than we know ourselves. Why is it so hard to confess that the only way to find our true identity is to follow Christ and bear the cross?
God has always told me do not fear, but I was lack of direction because I don't even know what I am fearing. Thank God I has this moment of thought, to digest down the word spoken prophetically to me. The fear of not letting go of my self-protecting behavior - that is something more directive. Now I understand why God wanted to restore prophets into this world again, because people and churches are blinded and lack of sense of direction. Everything has become a habit, lest our words and doings become a cliché. The end is near, live like Christ is gonna come back to get His bride tomorrow! His bride resembles the church, do we really do enough or at least biblically building up a church.
Parent, friends and churchmates. They all may persecute one another too, they may persecute me of being too religious and neglect my daily living which cares about education, successful careers, able to earn a living, food and clothings, houses, cars, luxuries, have heirs to take care of their burial ceremony and more... From dust I came and to dust I shall return, I came with nothing I shall leave with nothing. I TELL YOU, I am not being religious, is just that I know something that has to be true which all had turned away or even gave up and forgotten. Have you forget what is your reason of accepting Christ? Or did you not know what a real Christian is? What left with us is the relationship with God.
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