This is why my history fail

The history since form 1 to form 5 I failed all along the way because of what? It wasn't the truth of what we saw and what we collected from the truth. Why would Malaysia wanted to twist and turn the truth of our very own history became HIS-story... However, I would not accept what I studied and I confronted during the examination period, I couldn't afford to absorb something that is a lie, I don't feel like it make any sense of remembering and studying anyone's lies.

Same goes to the sociologist view on Religion it was totally an atheist view in the name of sociology! I couldn't study this anymore, anger burst in my heart, but why would I need to know something that is wrong just to get a better grade in my examination. Has knowledge have no truth in it? Ya I almost forgot this earth and all the knowledge in it is still a worldly one, to get a better stand, better grade, better jobs and better earning wouldn't escape that we are required to do something against the truth of God!

However, I needed this semester's result to be better and the next. I hope God understands...

Dreams or Vision?

I saw Joshua burn down and died where Bee Kim cries and mourned for the lost infront of the hotel gate (this was before their marriage). However he was burned but his flesh did not turn coal, yet he died. I saw the church torn apart, a lot of them struck in fear and left but three remains... I don't see the faces of those three who are still faithful. I don't recall what is the cause of Joshua's death under the fire, but I recall Bee Kim told me in the dream we must keep our faith to build this church, and to grow our faith is now! Bee Kim's grief was short but she is still faithful to God.

I hope what I see wasn't a vision but a dream, and I hope it will not happen. The lesson is our lovely leaders will not always be around us, one day we will too stand on our own. That we are not leeches that always depend on the faith of others to strengthen up but we have our own foundation in God. What I feared was my faith and others too, will they be shaken while our leaders are not around?

Whatever it is, this was a dream I dreamt almost 5 days ago. Today I saw another, I heard my brother Eric speaking in toungue, and what does this mean? I forgotten the previous part of this dream, but could it be that unconsciously I wanted my brother to be a Christian seriously?

Puzzled and speechless when I woke up this morning, I should bring this fragment along but I should move ahead out from this fantasy.

Autonomy vs Shame

My dear friend why do you cast your soul down, Oh my friend?

Wasn't that the scripture has said the Joy of the Lord is my strenght?

If you are not joyous how would the One love you most (God) be joyous?

Even as a friend seeing you defeating yourself, I am hurt, how much more it will be for the father who have created you?

I don't like to judge who you are, but I did, and I am sorry.

I always believe God has a great plan for you my friend,

I believe you are not who you really are and who God created you to be.

Why you wanted to choose your own way instead of the way of the Lord which works?

I bear testimony of Him who has help me,

He changed me from the inside out,

My thoughts, my feelings and maturity.

I don't wanted to boast but this is the greatness of God who has changed me!

If I may, I would wanted to say you are having problem in the second stage of Erikson's psychosocial stages.

From there you cling unto your parents and significant others so much,

you do not have your own stand?

This is the time for independence, if you retreat in the middle of the battle field, you will just clash on to the people behind you and blocking the movement of those who have courage.

If you are continuing with such fear, how much you can stand when the true persecution come?

If you continue with such fear, what can be done to glorify God?

Where is your faith my dear?

Where is your love my dear?

For true love cast out fear!

With faith all things are possible!

I will just pray that the fruit of the holy spirit will bear in you!

You have hear the spirit is willing but the body is weak, yes!

We have to be weak so God only can help you!

If you still cling unto yourself, you are digging a grave!

To dig a hole so hard  why not choose life?

Jesus say he came to give life but do you recieve it?

You believe you saved by Him but do you live like one that have been saved?

I am sorry that I desperated here, but this is out of the anger that God feels too.

However I wanted to thank you for your weakness and stuborness that I saw the time when I was like you. Thank God that He put you here with me, I learn a lot of things. I've earned it. I've earned the heart beat of God and I can see all my flaws too. But guilt has no power over me, shame has no power over me! Because there is no other name higher than the name of the Lord!

I hope you understand...