I'm back for trouble

Return to my heaven in hell. I totally didn't plan to do anything and I ask myself what on earth make me go back so soon, I also don't know. Whatever, time to recover back all my energies to face the next semester^^ What to do, I actually have a lot of things can do, and just now when I walk to fix my bike (damn my pressure pump spoiled, make my tyres running out of air.)

Nevermind it fixed and cycled back to the bus station to buy my friend's bus ticket which I forgotten to buy when I step foot on Kampar. =.=" So now I introduce to you my new favorite book "The Mind Gym" oni cost RM52 in UTAR bookstore hehe. It has accompanied me for the whole journey. I can read this during all free time here right?

Gather all gears up, ready the gears of war to battle the next semester...
Today ain't a good day for me, but it was some obstacles to make me do things out haha. Really good challenge, e.g. raining when I wanted to go buy the ticket, the pressure pump spoiled make my tyre more flattened, and the bitter 'gua'(苦瓜) taste so salty for dinner and maybe the worst is coming out to night, e.g. hit by ghost?? haha no la just joking. Run your life happily, and for the greater good.

Just another day.

This morning I and my family went for morning church service, a dizzy morning i guess. The first problem I spot is, the people in this church is getting cooler and cooler, even when we are worshiping in the Lord's presence. I got the feeling like having a Kara-OK at chruch, really are you all praising or singing? After praise and worship we entered the sermon time, speaker talks about knowledge and love inside Christ. The first thing I long haven't feel in this church is the warmth and the spirit once had were long lost, and I can't hardly say that we all got lazy and had no desire to learn more from Christ. The love showed is not enough, after I heard when one of our church member's father had a level 4 cancer only a few appeared to visit him. Where is the care last time we all had, where is it?

In the noon I hook up with my Methodist Youth Intermediate Fellowship (MYIF) buddies and they were having a project planning for the up coming children's day for sunday school. Well I just spell out a little bit ideas on how it can goes. Finally we made 7 station games for 5 teams. Great, but sadly I can't join them.

Wow, at here I feel I become like a musician again, drunk myself with all the music instrument this morning.

Best of overall day memories. I love the sound of combinations of all kinds of instruments. Espacially, Classical guitar with Grand piano. I love it. Hey I guess we can form a ban in UTAR also right guys?

At night I had a wonderful dinner with my family, first dish is Ka Lat Hu (hokkien) cook with ginger and other spices, second dish is Pai Kuat Wong, pork with special Pai Kuat saurce, yum yum... and last and not the least, clayport Taufu fetch with veges, ahhh, eat people's taufu lolx just joking... haha.

Nice but tomolo go back Kampar edi, I miss all penang food. Haiz.

God Bless you all, Immanuel. And I pray that everyone will grow more mature in spirit and in the mind. Happy reading = )

爱自己=爱别人。

爱自己=爱别人。


我还记得我的捕导师(counselor)说我必须要有自爱。因为如果我不爱自己的话我怎么爱别人呢？不要误会我的题目，“爱自己=爱别人”爱自己的意识是对自己的生体(physical)，思想(mind)，知识(intelligence)，和灵(spirituality)命的好。这四方面的成长对以别人来说，虽然没有什么。但是对以自己是有好处的，因为你可以用这些来帮助他人，也同时祝福他们。散发出你的美丽出改变生命。把软弱的人带上来。爱自己其实也是一种表达你对别人的爱。不让他忧虑，受伤，和给了他信任。这是我所求的，所谓的更强就是因为为了要爱自己，同时的去爱别人。虽然我疑义说我并没有做到，但是我曾经想过就因该有做到一些吧？利他主义(Altruism) 过强的人是不好的，因为以为不顾着自己的生活去帮人的话会产生一种苦毒 (bitterness) 和忧虑 (anxiety) 。

~要和别人产生一个好的关系就从自己开始咯~

爱人如己=爱自己去爱别人^^ This is the secret of self loving..

一张白纸

一张白纸


当我已开起电脑时就很想写一个新的布格落，但有没有什么东东好写的喔。

当一看见一张白纸的时候就想起一些回忆。我曾经用一张白纸的思想来吧我脑海里的东西暂时放下，想着一片空白的纸然后才开始放我所要管的事情一个一个跟着持续排下去。

白纸是白的，没有内容，只是一片空白。当你一上笔的时候就写出或画出很多作者所要表达的心情或感想。就像你所读过的布格落一样，之前是一张白纸，变成了一篇文章。你的生命也是一样，虽然人有很多事情都不能改，但是你生命上的白纸还有无限多的空间让你发展呀。这就不是所说的活到老学到老？也许很多墨渍都图上了不良好的事，也有些弄脏了一些部分，浪费了许多的空间在那白纸上。但是你还是有很多的空白的地方发表不是吗？

那现在想像看，你面前是一张白纸，第一件事你能看见的是什么？那就是你心理上聚焦的的一个事情。有可能是好事但也可以是坏事哦。可以是问题或回忆。想想看你第二步要这么走？

白色也代表了圣洁，干净，无罪。是一个很纯洁的颜色。我也很喜欢白色，白赔上青就很完美了，因为青色代表生命。青白=圣洁的生命=清白。哈哈。

不要浪费上帝给你的清白哦。弄脏了就洗不掉咯，要活得有智慧。

做人不是求自己而是愿生旁的人都活得快快乐乐。喜悦不是愉快。

Lost - addiction

Lost - addiction


I am losing myself again, how could I be so careless of not taking attention to the situation that I am in? I played hard because I gave myself excuse that I already had done much before the exam and all this fun times is what I deserve. No, it isn’t, now when I think back, I think that is something just temporal and when I drunk myself too deep in it I lose control. I could not bear the consequences. I know it, whenever I get addicted on playing I lost the true self, lose my purpose, and lose my attention on anyone else. I did not lose my awareness but I lose my attention. I lose everything that makes me valuable, that charms people. I had to do something, I need to discipline down myself. I know that I shouldn’t force myself, but to reach that I have to change cognitively, I mean change the thoughts. Change the frame of mind and change the key words that meditated in me. I stop rehearsing my purpose in me that is why I starting to lose myself. Even if you aware that I hadn’t spoken about God ever since I am happy. I lost Him; I wandered away from Him again. I didn’t prayed, I didn’t visit little Thomas, and I don’t even care about the people around me anymore. Tomorrow it’s my mother’s birthday, I said I wanted to give her a surprise, but I stop planning that when I am addicted to computer games once more. What should I do?

I am sorry about everything that I did, even if it doesn’t affect my friends and family. I deeply hurt God, because I forgotten about Him. I also felt sorry to … Never mind, I think this time falling is a little bit tough for me and I have to stand up just like I did it before. Don’t worry my friends because I’ll get back up soon enough. I know what to do now really, it is hard to change our thoughts.

Like I said, addiction destroys relationship, because you weren’t there for the other person anymore. How valuable is your thoughts to another person? To be connected and builds up intimacy is simply through attention. That is the starting point. You might think how you think wouldn’t affect other person but it does actually. It reflect who you really are right now, but not necessary the true self.

Change must change from our thoughts first, but it was the hardest. I agree with Vri that change is bitter, and often move us out from our comfort zones, but this is what it takes to grow us up. What is a broken piece of a heart means to you? It hurts, but it is meaningful. This is the rule of the game. I wanted to grow. If I was not lost how shall I find the right path to move on? If I didn’t fall down how do I learn how to get back up? If I didn’t suffer pain, how could I endure it? If I didn’t fail how do I succeed? If I didn’t get what I wanted, how do I learn how to give? If I didn’t get loved, how do I love? Painful isn’t? Life is bittersweet because life is suffering that is why bible also includes a chapter named lamentation. Job is also an example for all this trials. Think of that. God didn’t say when He loves you, you will never suffer with Him, and instead He suffers with you.

忘了

忘了。


可是真的不能了解为什么做人这么容易忘记他人的教训。当那痛苦的感觉离开了就忘了那个教导。我还是觉得开心的时候不去想有那一个方面我还没有去改正的时候，就觉得我不应该停止的去细考。

我总是觉得，快乐是有一个理由说为了什么而快乐。我最近都觉得自己没有感觉了，不是开心但是我开始想它的时候就觉得很神秘，又觉得有缺点，一个未知的东西，又觉得有点害怕。这感觉很熟，因该是以前的恐惧感。因该也没事了吧，总是觉得有不对劲，每次都有不好的事情发生的。算了，就等着它来吧。

还有一件是烦着我，我还是放不下，明知道要把神放在第一，学业在第二，然后第三也不能把爱情放在这。我的老人说我还年轻不应该这么早谈恋爱，但是我心里改不了，爱上了人就是爱上了没有什么理由的。但是我还在想，如果我这么勉强要和她在一起的话，没有好结果的吧？不想了。希望我能从这次的未知学到一些吧。我说：“如果要真正的爱一个人，就要爱全部人。包括友情，亲情，和爱情。如果上帝愿我们同在的话，我们总是会回到在一起的。虽然会离开，但总是会碰见，回到个人的身边。”

~快乐总是有一个理由的~

No Feeling…

No Feeling…

I heard no feeling is also a kind of feeling. I feel nothing ever since I came back from Kampar to Penang. Holiday to me suppose to be fun and restart my engine, refresh all my tools and my mind and enjoy the company of my family. However, I felt nothing, it just some familiar faces, the intimate strangers. I said I have an unknown in me again, I feel there is something missing within the time we spend together. Something is missing and I am now full of fear, the fear of the unknown. Same old fear comes to me again when I last spoke of “the fear of the unknowns” [a] last May 2009.

I am a road idiot (路痴), though I am Penang people yet don’t know Penang’s place. I am not familiar to all the directions and streets of where to go. I denied some of my friend’s visit and wanted me to join along in their tour so to have a guide you know. I am fearful of guiding a trip without knowing direction, better to say I better don’t lead and tell the truth that I don’t know the way. Whatever, thank God I found another fear that I wanted to overcome. I had been fearless for a long time that is why I did not attain more wisdom. God say: “fear God is wisdom.” So I guess His right. It is good to be fearful sometimes and pick up the fight with it like batman. Good thing is that the first thing came into my mind is how to overcome fear rather escaping it. I am happy. You are OK, I am OK.

Happy fighting and let’s not take away your smile.